On repeat!! Help me press STOP !!

[Radoxmeup]

Sat in the bath with a large glass of wine listening to my break up playlist. I wish I could say this was the first time I did this, but alas this is one of many.
I’m a 40 year old woman, in a good job, own house etc and yet I have let my cheating ex crawl back again into my life. I had 3 years of therapy to work on my boundaries, self esteem etc yet I’m still letting him come back and he’s still shitting all over me.

Why? Why do I do this? I’m an intelligent woman, when he’s not around I can see what others see, yet as soon as he is in front of me I believe all of the lies.

Sorry you’re having a shit time.

Can you picture yourself in 5 years and decide whether you want to be stuck here again or out enjoying an amazing life which makes you happy and feel fulfilled? If you can see happier times ahead you know he won’t be in them and at some point you have to set yourself free.

Respectfully, what do you want here? Do you want us to tell you you're a fucking idiot with no boundaries, or do you want the hand-holdy nicey-nicey approach? Either way, the only person who can change this ridiculous situation is you! Mentioning your credentials means nothing - anyone from any walk of life has the capacity to be strong and say "fuck this shit" just as anyone can allow themselves to be walked all over.
At the end of the day, you have to look at yourself in the mirror - what do you see? A strong woman or a doormat?

Don't let him move in, easier to get rid of when you are ready to. You have done well to see through him.

Sorry I mentioned credentials to state I was some young school girl who doesn’t know better. I do know better, yet I still do it and I know I deserve more I know I’m acting like a mug, yet it’s like something is stopping me from putting boundaries in

Thank you :)
I do not want to be in this predicament in 5 years time, I honestly don’t know what is wrong with me or why I go along with it.

I think what breakerofbras means is what can we do to help?

It sounds like you already KNOW. You know he's a arse. You know he cheats on you. You know he can't respect you from the way he treats you.

You're most of the way there.

So what do you need to stop the cycle of wanting to go back?

I understand. Sometimes it takes people more than once to finally break free.

For some people it's the fear of the the unknown. At least being with an arse you know where you are. Or the fear of being on your own. Or their arse's ex has done such a number on their self esteem they can't imagine anyone else wanting them.

Can you pinpoint what it is?

It's easy to say here for me. Because I'm not living it! But you are most of the way there. You know what life with him will be like for the rest of your life.

You just have to believe you're worth more than that.

Definitely sit down, think and write down where you want to be in 5 years ... what will get you there? you can do it! Best wishes to you 💐