How do I have a relationship with my Dad but not my Mum?

[RestIsBest]

Mum is a bit of a bully and abusive in many ways. She's awful to my Dad and it's painful to watch, but he wants to stand by his vows and just tries to keep out of her way. I do not like her, and a lot of feelings have come to the surface since having my own child.

I want my Dad to be a big part of my child's life as does he, and so we go to see him often, which means I have to see my Mum too. I find it really hard but I can make it somewhat tolerable. But I now would like to take my Dad on holiday with us and take him out for lunches and other places, but how can I do this without my Mum being invited too? I don't think my Dad would come without her as he's feel bad, I've been making it clear in more recent times that her behaviours is not acceptable, she does not care at all. Not sure where to go from here. My parents are retired and I know the thing that makes my Dad happiest is his grandchildren, whereas my Mum would be fine to barely see them and her own children. That being said, she will be majorly offended if she's not invited and included to things

I think you will have limited success trying to just spend time with your Dad.

I don't doubt your Mum is bloody awful but your Dad is an adult and can make his own choices. He is choosing to stay with your Mum, which means he is choosing her over you and his dgc.

I have/had an awful Mother and I am no contact with her. My Dad died four years ago and when he was alive I regarded him as a good parent.

I can now see that he enabled her abuse of me and just did a better job of pretending to be a nice person.

Someone who doesn't prioritise their child over an abusive spouse isn't a good person in my opinion.

Am so sorry but your dad cannot be relied upon here. He has made a choice and he has chosen his wife who he will always put first in his life. Such bystander men to abuse are very weak individuals and he has indeed decided to act out of self preservation and want of a quiet life. He has thrown you as his daughter under the bus and in doing that has further failed to protect you from the excesses of her behaviour.

I would think again about allowing your child to at all have a relationship with your parents. They were not good parents to you when you were growing up and they have not changed. If either are too toxic/difficult for YOU to deal with, its the SAME deal for your child too.