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Relationships

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Original poster

How long for a man to fall in love?

37 replies

Jumpking · 28/07/2022 06:16

Chatting with a friend last night, she told me that she knew she loved her DP 6 months into the relationship, but only told him about 9 months in, as "he wasn't ready to hear it". When she did tell him, he didn't say it back. He said he really really liked her, and could see a future with her, but wasn't yet in love with her. He was sure it would come with time.

They're now 18 months in, and he still hasn't said it to her. She's not said I love you again, for fear of another knockback.

Both are divorced and out of 15yr+ relationships. They're good together. Everyone can see it.

She was trying to justify it last night by saying people fall in and out of love far too quickly these days but you could tell she thought he should be in love by now, and was wondering if he wasn't after 18 months, would he ever be.

I couldn't answer that one!

What are your thoughts MN? The male voice would be particularly welcome on this.

OP posts:

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 29/07/2022 09:55

DH and I told each other when we realised we loved each other, but we weren't in love, that came later

Cas112 · 29/07/2022 09:56

My DP said it around 6 months

supercali77 · 29/07/2022 10:05

Hmm. My dp is also intensly private but he said he loved me within a couple of months. So im not sure its about privacy... If he does love her but its the saying of it thats the issue well, why? What does saying it mean to him. Maybe it has difficult connotations. If he won't open up about it, that would temper my enthusiasm for a relationship with him.

If he just doesn't feel it by 18 months id say...he never will....its a long enough time to know someone pretty well and develop feelings...it is generally the most intense period of a relationship. Loving someone in a caring way is not like being in love. If all your pal wants is a caring person then that works, but if she wants to be loved the same way she loves then it probably won't.

Specsandflowers · 29/07/2022 10:12

There are two possibly separate issues: him being in love with you and him are caressing it or not.

In general, I feel men fall in love very quickly. They may not say it at first but their behaviour shouldn't leave you in any doubt.

If after six months you don't feel loved and he hasn't said anything it is highly unlikely he actually does feel something.

Mischance · 29/07/2022 10:14

To quote Prince Charles: "Whatever in love means....."

baileys6904 · 29/07/2022 10:34

It's just words. How many people have been told 'I love you' only to be constantly cheated on or abused.

Love is about actions, not about 3 words that can be meaningless. You can't fake actions

Original poster

Jumpking · 29/07/2022 11:00

@Mischance🤣🤣🤣🤣

@baileys6904 this is the route I tried to go down with her. But then you read @Scotcousin 's experience, and I appreciate why she needs to hear the words from him.

OP posts:

supercali77 · 29/07/2022 11:44

Is it not both the words and the actions? I've seen plenty of situations where the bloke wouldn't say this or that but he acted committed/loving .... in the end the lack of words was as much of a clue as the actions

Musttryharder2021 · 29/07/2022 21:11

PlantsAndSpaniels · 28/07/2022 07:20

After a couple of weeks, although we had been friends for 6 years. It took me a little longer but I knew he was the one fairly early on.

As you get older, I think you would know earlier if someone was the one.

Why would you know better when you're older? A lot of people still don't manage to get relationships right or choose more suitable partners.

dudsville · 29/07/2022 21:17

There isn't ever going to be an answer to this question, but after that length of time I'd expect love. My OH knew pretty immediately, it took me a few months, then it was about 2 yrs on when i was certain and we cemented things.

CthulhuInDisguise · 29/07/2022 21:45

My boyfriend knew within a week and so did I, we skirted around the issue with a sarcastic game because we were both a bit afraid to say it, then eventually he said, we can love each other, and I love you. This was after a two-day first date which couldn't have gone any better, true whirlwind thing.

DH and I had the love conversation around 3 months in.

Palmfrond · 29/07/2022 22:03

I’ve been “in love”, genuinely, with every woman I’ve ever slept with (which possibly speaks more of my emotional incontinence than anything else). To love and to be “in love” are related but different things for me. To love someone, for me, is to be able and willing to help shoulder their burdens in life. That’s what I think when I tell my wife and kids that I love them, and that’s why I’ve never been quick to tell someone I love them. To be “in love” is something more visceral, tempestuous, romantic, and maybe unrealistic?

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