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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not sure I want to date but want a family

2 replies

username20101 · 27/07/2022 22:59

As title says. I'm 32, nearly 33. Went through a break up 5 years ago, when my boyfriend left as he wasn't feeling it anymore and not long after got with somebody else. It came out of the blue, and it took about 3 years to finally feel the burden of the heartbreak lift. It was not the first time i'd been hurt but the first time I really felt like id lost something important. Even now I can remember exactly the heavy feeling I carried around for the years after, the hurt and the feeling of not being good enough.

Tried to date again pre pandemic, but it always felt a little forced and like I wasn't over my ex so when the pandemic hit, it was a welcome break and I have been mostly happy since doing my own thing. I live alone and work full time and have a few friends.

The problem i'm feeling over the past few months, is that I really want to settle down mid-late 30s and hopefully have kids. A family was always my dream, and I would never had expected to be single without a family in my 30s but here I am.

I'm semi happy being single. I wish I had someone to share my life with, but I don't hate single life. I would go as far as to say I don't think im ready for children yet, not ready to give my life up. I like how things are, but I am aware I haven't got too long to start thinking about the future. It doesn't help that all my peers are having babies, its making the alarm bells start to ring for me and my biological clock.

Long story short, i'm ok with how things are, but worried about the future, I really want a family in my future but right now I couldn't be more single. I downloaded a dating app but feel nervous to log on. I am making excuses I think, telling myself I need cosmetic procedures and to increase my self esteem before I do. Nervous to put myself out there to potential hurt, but I know if I don't try, I will lose out on my dream. How I wish I was 5 years younger. :(

OP posts:
Teapot1990 · 27/07/2022 23:05

I was you about 5 years ago! I met someone online, we now have a dog and a baby and couldn't be happier. For me, I know I'd have always regeretted not having a child, it's something I always knew I wanted at some point. And even if the partner wasn't Mr Perfect, the life I now have is the life I always wanted. Its annoying we don't have forever to have children as there wouldn't be such pressure at this age. Good luck!

anthurium · 27/07/2022 23:43

Have you considered going it alone Op @username20101

I'm a solo mother by choice and although this wasn't my plan A , I now actually enjoy having full control of the parenting, doing it my way, not having to care for another person's needs (partner), and also there is no relationship fall out to worry about like custody arrangements. Yes some days are tough and I'm very tired, but that's parenting a lot of the time for most people, whether single or partnered! Overall it's been good, and now if you asked me if I wanted a partner, the answer would be a no.

I was 36-38/39 when I came off the dating apps and decided I needed to do this alone as I was wasting a lot of time on there

I wouldn't wait until the end of your 30s to start the whole child -making. You don't know what state your fertility is/will be and there could be unforseen complications that delay it. Egg quality declines too making it harder to conceive and stay pregnant.

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