As title says. I'm 32, nearly 33. Went through a break up 5 years ago, when my boyfriend left as he wasn't feeling it anymore and not long after got with somebody else. It came out of the blue, and it took about 3 years to finally feel the burden of the heartbreak lift. It was not the first time i'd been hurt but the first time I really felt like id lost something important. Even now I can remember exactly the heavy feeling I carried around for the years after, the hurt and the feeling of not being good enough.
Tried to date again pre pandemic, but it always felt a little forced and like I wasn't over my ex so when the pandemic hit, it was a welcome break and I have been mostly happy since doing my own thing. I live alone and work full time and have a few friends.
The problem i'm feeling over the past few months, is that I really want to settle down mid-late 30s and hopefully have kids. A family was always my dream, and I would never had expected to be single without a family in my 30s but here I am.
I'm semi happy being single. I wish I had someone to share my life with, but I don't hate single life. I would go as far as to say I don't think im ready for children yet, not ready to give my life up. I like how things are, but I am aware I haven't got too long to start thinking about the future. It doesn't help that all my peers are having babies, its making the alarm bells start to ring for me and my biological clock.
Long story short, i'm ok with how things are, but worried about the future, I really want a family in my future but right now I couldn't be more single. I downloaded a dating app but feel nervous to log on. I am making excuses I think, telling myself I need cosmetic procedures and to increase my self esteem before I do. Nervous to put myself out there to potential hurt, but I know if I don't try, I will lose out on my dream. How I wish I was 5 years younger. :(