Hello!
Just wanted to rant and canvass some opinions regarding my present relationship. I’ll try not to go into too much detail because I don’t want anything to be identifying, but this is my predicament:
I’m in my early 20s and my partner is in his late 30s. We’ve been together 2 years. The first year of our relationship was amazing: he was incredibly supportive, kind, generous, and even though he is very different from me, he made me laugh and we found quite a bit to talk about. I don’t think we argued or even disagreed once in that first year. That first year I also went through some severe depressive episodes which landed me in hospital and he was unrelentingly supportive and committed throughout it all. I genuinely thought at that point that he was my soulmate.
However, this past year, everything has deteriorated. I’ll just list some of the issues that we’ve had:
(1) He would sulk for a good few hours if I didn’t want to have sex. On one occasion, he flew into an absolute rage the next morning: it wasn’t directed towards me but towards everyone else that crossed our path. He actually stopped the car in the middle of the motorway in order to shout at someone for getting too close. That problem appears to have been resolved after several arguments, although he’s still quite pushy for sex — which is really difficult because my sex drive, usually really high, has been completely killed by antidepressants.
(2) Certain ideological differences have suddenly come to the surface. He believes in racial differences and believes that the preservation of the different races is important. We have also argued (because debates just turn into argument) about the reality of man-induced global warming.
(3) When he has disagreed with me in my opinions in the past (which is fine, I’m open-minded and happy to coexist with differences of belief), he has repeatedly shouted ‘You’re pathetic!’ at me, admittedly whilst he was drunk.
(4) I moved in with him for a few weeks and then moved out as a result of various arguments and he was very stressed with work and the tension just permeated the household. I don’t know whether I’m too sensitive, but I do know that I’m now happier living by myself.
(5) I’m also aware that he ideally wants children whereas I don’t, which may or may not be a problem in the future.
(6) I no longer feel excited by the relationship like I used to, and I’m not sure why — that is, I’m not sure whether it’s my brain playing tricks or whether something has fundamentally changed between us after all these arguments.
Anyway, I’m in such a difficult position, because that first year was glorious, and his kindness was unparalleled. Should I wait until I feel more certain before making a decision? I don’t want to regret any rash decisions.