Flirting

[CaramelMacchiatto]

I'm unable to stop myself. I feel like I only respond to it by flirting back but it's (or can be) embarrassing. I'm in a relationship, don't make a secret of it but some guys still talk to me in a very flirty way. Just realized must be something about me. Not sure what... Please help, today after a very stressful day I found myself entertained by someone very young I work with. Couldn't stop myself from messaging back . He can be easily excused because of the age but me??

Not sure what? Probably low self esteem.

Maybe you just enjoy it? Some people are naturally more flirty than others.

You should always try and stop yourself though out of respect for your partner. Put your flirting energy into your partner instead.

You're both right. I really need to do some work on myself so this pattern changes. Thanks!

To stop yourself replying to messages, maybe think about how you would feel if your partner and another woman were flirting in that way?

Couldn't stop myself from messaging back
Your thumbs are independent to your brain?
😄

Op
Do you genuinely respect your partner? Respect is a verb. Just, stop. You’re playing with fire

I know, I'm really embarrassed. Needed to be reminded of this simple fact...

It’s fun to flirt but I probably would impose a rule of in person only because text can lead to more. Plus if he’s really young he might start to think you’re up for more.

I flirt loads and it makes me happy. I’ve no issue if my DH does.

I'd be furious and heartbroken if my DH flirted with other people and I'm sure he'd feel the same about me...

I wouldn't class it as flirting if my partner was sending messages. Flirting is off the cuff, spur of the moment stuff. You're pre-meditating for long enough to read a message, have an emotional/physical response, compose a reply and press send. And then also probably taking time to be excited about a reply.

If I found that my partner had been doing that, our relationship would be over in a flash. If I'd done it, I'd feel compelled to tell my partner, due to the fact that we respect each other's need for honesty.

I'd get it if you were just flirty in person. Some people are just wired that way and it doesn't mean anything.

But sending a flirty text back to someone is not really on. Makes me wonder - Could it be a self esteem issue?

Harsh but I deserved it tbh. In my case though the messaging only happened yesterday. I was referring to the situations of the personal interactions. I know it's wrong, will stop , full stop. Have too much to lose otherwise.

When I read flirting I thought you hold eye contact a little too long, maybe compliment a bit too eagerly or smile sweetly and accept compliments with a glint in your eyes but texting flirty that's emotional affair territory.
I think it sounds like you're not secure in yourself and need validation and attention from men to feel good about yourself.

Ah, well, things that only happened yesterday don't count, obviously, so it's good you mentioned that...

This reminds me so much of myself years ago. I thought I was only being friendly and engaged, but my DH said I was obviously flirting and it caused quite a lot of tension between us.
Occasionally other men thought I was giving them the green light, and that caused issues, and DH said it made him look stupid and that I was out to cuckold him.
Which was wrong, as I was not at all, but now I can see it from his perspective more and how it may have appeared. I still do flirt a bit, I suppose, but DH accepts it now that we have reached a more mature and trusting age!

1950s... Yes that seems to be the case, I've noticed. I like the attention as it makes me feel good about myself. That's the reason I want to work on myself so don't need the others. Just not sure where to start

Why do you need the attention of others to feel good about yourself? What sort of attention is it? Is it cerebral or is it affirmation of your physical appearance?

I don't know why. I think it's just validates me as a person in my own eyes.I just get this feeling inside me when someone says nice things about me but it's usually kind of related to my appearance. You know when someone finds you attractive, don't you. It's sad, I know. I think it might be related to the fact I had a quite sad childhood and didn't feel loved, safe or valued. Never good enough. So I need to definitely work on it, just genuinely not sure where to start. This behaviour is a bit of a pattern for me now. I meet someone, don't think any of it until they get flirty with me, say nice things that make my stomach full of butterflies and there you go. I'm quite a shy person and would never start flirting with anyone. Someone mentioned earlier the eye contact or paying someone a compliment. Not me, too shy for this. When I speak to guys it's very much a lot of laughing and joking on my side, a bit of banter. Which is fine unless it leads to the messaging etc. Anyway if someone could direct me to where to start this work on myself, would be lovely. Thanks ☺️

I had also had a childhood where I was hardly ever praised or complimented. So, when someone (a male) started showing an interest in me, it was very difficult not to reciprocate and not discourage them, as I liked what thye were saying and it made me feel, for once, valued and attractive. Desirable even.

Well that's exactly that. However I'm with a nice man and I don't want to hurt him, want to break the pattern. Just need to know where to start , what to do, don't want for this to damage what I have