Should I have this baby?

[Whataretheodds]

I posted a couple of weeks ago just after I found out I was pregnant by the boyfriend of 2 years who had moved out 2 weeks before because, amongst other things, he didn't feel ready to have a child with me. This was a shock.

At first there waa no question in my mind about keeping it (I'm 41, own property wirh a mortgage, good job although I'm hating it right now and have put in for an internal transfer).

Before we got together I'd considered going it alone but hadn't got to the point where i thought that was for me.

I've told my ex and he wants 'to make things work', has assured me i won't be on my own, wants to come to the scan, has made noises suggesting he thinks we just needed a break from each other.

A month ago I looked at babies and felt sad that might not happen for me as i wasn't sure I'd want to go down the solo mum route. Now all i see is obstacles. I feel trapped. But i have a tendency to see the negative in my life and I'm not sure if this is stupid.

I felt like this with both of my children and they were planned!

When it actually happens, no matter how badly you wanted that second line, it’s terrifying.

Whats the worst case scenario here? You end up a single mum I assume? You sound financially able to support a child and your ex would have to contribute. What obstacles do you see?

At 41 and single I think you need to assume this is your one chance to be a mother. Sorry it’s not quite the situation you had hoped for.

I just feel as though i won't be able to go anywhere or do anything, will be harder to change career if i need to, may not have a romantic relationship for years, worried I'll make my child miserable.

The good thing about being a single mum in this situation (versus with a donor) is that the child would have another family to love it, so i would get some time to myself.

Babies and small children worship their parents OP. As long as you pay them attention - talk to them, play with them, listen to them, give cuddles, then you won’t make your small child miserable. Teenagers are something else, we all think our parents are making us miserable as teens and most of us grow up and realize we were just ready or getting ready to move out.

If you can offer a stable home life with love and attention from you plus some wider connections to friends and family then there is no reason to assume your child would have an unhappy childhood.

Thank you

Cocowatermelon you were really kind on my other thread too.

You can take your baby with you to do things. Toddlers are less stressful to handle in places where you can let them run and explore a bit more. But you can still take them to most places.

Things will definitely change with a child, you won’t be able to do all the things you used to. And it could be lonely if you’re a single mum, especially in the early days. I have two young DC and find it hard to juggle them and work even with a DH to help share the load. I’m stuck in my job for the foreseeable but in a good way as the job works around my home life, although it would be great to take the next step it would negatively impact on the time I spend with my kids and my priority is them.

But even if it’s hard, kids are magical. The love you feel for them and the amount of love you get back from them when they’re young fills your heart to the brim. I wouldn’t worry now about missing out on a new relationship as you won’t be lacking in love. You only live once and if you’ve thought about having children and wanted to, I wouldn’t give up your chance to do it now. It’s hard but it’s wonderful.