Does anyone else have a husband who just doesn’t listen to them?

[Dolphinblues]

DH is a very decent sort but we were both single for a long time before getting married and I’ve definitely fallen into the trap of being the default parent.

So I am a bit annoyed with him. Three months ago, we moved house, going from owned to rented temporarily so we didn’t hold up our chain. We had a very short window of time to get packed and out and I couldn’t get time off, added to which my then 16 month old was under my feet near constantly and the new house was in a sense born in chaos and has remained chaotic. I hate living like this.

So I was eager to avoid with the new house. I have said over and over to DH that there is no rush. We can gradually move in over the course of the summer. However, he bought a wardrobe and hired a van to pick it up. He then decides that he may as well move some stuff over so I come downstairs this morning to find the TV gone, a load of furniture and now he’s dismantling the beds. So we are now going to be staying there for the foreseeable, with no internet until next week.

It just really annoys me.

I understand how you feel. I can't offer much advice because mine is the same and no amount of talking seems to change it.
I am the default parent, he is the default earner and decision maker.
We both work full time. But my DH still does as he pleases while I look after our DD.
For example, he had a meeting last night that ended up in the pub. He said he was "going for one." He came home at midnight, drunk. I got up in the night with DD and got her out of her cot at 6am while he lies there sleeping.

Perhaps he wants to get into the new house now and doesn’t want to do it slowly ?
It should be a compromise, not a dictatorship ! It sound like you are not communicating.

Saying 'There's no rush' isn't the same as saying 'I don't want to move these things yet'

He has listened; you haven't stated your needs clearly. Sit him down, tell him what needs to be where in order that you don't get pissed off, and see if he listens then.

You need to spell things out in words one one syllable, then get him to repeat back to you what you just said. Then ask him if he understands.

Men not listening to women is their default setting. Overriding it requires banging home the information several hundred times.

It's very annoying.

@AmandaHoldensLips

I think 'Saying clearly what you mean' would be a good first step for OP, rather than dragging this down into a 'men don't listen to women' issue. Lots of men listen to women. Lots of women don't listen to men.

OP has clearly stated that what she said to him wasn't what she actually meant.