Just felt the need to open up on here about a few things and ask for support/advice. I have been with my OH for a very long time and we have 2 young children. A few months ago, I finally admitted to myself that I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship all along (and if I am completely honest, there have been a few physical incidents too.) Since I admitted it to myself and realised that I am not to blame for any of his actions, I have been wanting to find a way out. I actually told him I wanted to leave him a few weeks ago and confronted him about his abusive behaviour. He then threatened to end his life (which I realise is also a form of emotional blackmail). Since then he went back on antidepressants which seem to contain his angry outbursts, but I realise that they will never change the fact that he is an unsupportive narcissist and an abuser.
The problem is that I feel so trapped, I am financially dependent on him as I am about to retrain for my dream job (something he is deeply resentful of). I also have no family support nearby and have isolated myself from friends over the last few years. I know the first step is to open up to people but I am ashamed to admit to friends and family that I have been abused for so long. I have quite a few audio recordings of some of his very vile outbursts, so at least I can back up everything if needed.
I also very recently had a short online fling which has ended now, but only reinforced the realisation that I deserve better. I know it was wrong and that an online affair is not real and mainly fantasy, but still I felt more kindness and affection during those few weeks than I ever received from OH.
The point is, I know that I want to leave my abusive OH and I have reached a point where I have absolutely zero love and affection left for him. So, where do I start? How do I open up to people? How do I end it without him threatening to end his life again? How do I continue my job if he doesn't agree to co-parent in a fair and equal way?
The prospect of finally being free and single actually fills me with so much excitement and hope but I just haven't got a clue how to get there.