Can you leave for your MH?

[KingOfWishfulThinkin]

NC, but previous poster & longtime lurker.

ExH left me 2 years ago with young DD (just turned 1), and has been a nightmare since. Begging for me back, being a useless dad, generally making my life miserable.

Now, I've finally started seeing someone and we're getting pretty serious, talking about where we'd like to be in 5 years and so on. ExH has caught wind of this as he has someone keeping tabs on my house and have noticed new guys car regularly. He confronted me and I said yes, I'm seeing someone. Now my life is hell.

ExH texts me constantly, rings me, if I don't respond he'll message something along the lines of 'too busy with lover boy?' Etc - worth mentioning at this point that hes 32, not 12.

New guy is very supportive of the whole situation however I'm starting to wonder if maybe it's just not the right time to start something with someone, purely because ExH is being so awful and it's really causing my mental health to slope rapidly into somewhere I've just pulled it out of. As much as I don't want ExH to 'win', I also just don't think it's worth risking my mental health right now.

Advice would be massively appreciated, I'm just so lost. I really like the new guy, he's lovely and sweet and we have a blast, but I don't know if those moments of happiness are worth the burden of the ExH and his behaviour about it all..

you need to get your ex to back off. Contact the police maybe? I don’t have any knowledge. Call womens aud and they might be able to help.

you need to work out why your reaction is to force you ex this power over you as well and get strong emotional. Oh diaries in place.

What happens if you block your ex's number so he can't call you and text you, and set up a new email address and give him that if he needs to be in contact regarding arrangements to see DC. If he's harassing you by stationing somebody outside your house, involve the police.

Report him will all the messages and call logs. Get no contact order in place ASAP.

You can leave for any reason you deem right at any time you want. That's the basics!

Having said that, this doesn't sound as though you want to leave - it sounds as though you need to file a police report for harassment against your ex!

Throw the book at the controlling bully, OP! You can do this!

Don't tolerate this any longer OP. If he's stalking your house, or has someone else doing it, call the police every time. Block him on everything bar one email address used soley for communicating about your child.

Get your boundaries firmly up and keep them up. Your life and those in it is no longer any of his business

So you let him win?
Nope

Thanks everyone. We live off of streets either side of a main road, so I don't think the police would do anything as he could say he was driving to the shop/walking the dog etc and that's why he was passing my house. That's not the case, of course, but I don't think thr police would be able to take it any further.

I don't thinking blocking his number would help either as whatever method of communication I use would just become the one he uses to message me.

It's such a difficult situation because I'd like to see where things go with the new guy but also don't know if it's worth this massive burden

Don’t sacrifice your happiness for your (sounds like) borderline psycho ex.

What if you ended it with your new man only fit your ex to suddenly find someone and forget all about you?

The best revenge is living well and it sounds like you’re already well on the way. Don’t let your ex drag you down

*for, not ‘fit’

I would suggest getting a non-molestation order. This is abuse.

This.
His behaviour is harassment.

As others have said - this is harassment. He's causing you anxiety which isn't healthy - for you or your child.
Do you have a visitation schedule? If not, get one set up. He is not to message or call you at all unless it's to do with your child - either during his time with them, or to change an arrangement.
If he doesn't stick to that then it's time to block and he would need to contact another way - eg email that doesn't need an immediate response. I know a couple who only contact through an intermediary and never speak to each other - it can be done!
Don't give up your chance of happiness. Stay strong - show your child you don't give up in the face of adversary!

Blocking his number IS useful, because you can't be bombarded with calls/texts daily !

Open up a new email and text him the address, explaining that due to his abusive behaviour and stalking, all communication about child access etc will only be through email.

No doubt he WILL try to threaten you via the email and in person, but both will result in a phone call to the police and you having proof i.e an email or a video of him at the door etc, which will be used by the police to get a non-molestation order (which would also help you if you ask to be moved by the council etc).

Stop thinking that you need to 'accommodate' his demands ! You don't ! He's an EX !