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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Worried my ex isn't over me...

45 replies

doorboot · 26/07/2022 11:43

We broke up two years ago ,well we never were really a couple (both women)
She wanted more and at the time I didn't want commitment.
Anyway we are both at a wedding on Sunday and I'm worried that she won't be over me and the messages might start again.
I've heard through mutual friends she now has a new girlfriend of over a year ...I'm just worried seeing me might start it all up again for her.

Would you skip the wedding ? Just to save the awkwardness /possible embarrassment?

OP posts:

Mandofan · 26/07/2022 13:07

I also think you need to get over yourself. It’s been over a year and she’s with someone new. I doubt she’ll care if she sees you. Even if she did start to message you again, just ignore and block. Your OP sounds like there’s a part of you that enjoys the drama

Original poster

doorboot · 26/07/2022 13:11

@Mandofan I have her blocked on WhatsApp
It's messenger where she was messaging ..she isn't blocked on there.
So can send me messages through messenger -that was my concern

OP posts:

StClare101 · 26/07/2022 13:12

Shes been with her current girlfriend for over a year!

Don’t seek her out at the wedding and if you cross paths smile and say how are you as you keep walking.

YouDoYouHun · 26/07/2022 13:13

Whitney168 · 26/07/2022 12:08

Good grief, the woman hasn't contacted you for more than a year and is in a new relationship.

I think you have a skewed idea of your own importance, to be honest.

This

Mandofan · 26/07/2022 13:14

So block her on messenger then? Again you seem be enjoying the idea of potential drama. If you really don’t want to hear from her then don’t give her an opportunity to contact you. Block her on everything

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 26/07/2022 13:17

If she hasn’t been in touch for 15 months then I reckon she will be fine.

That you are giving it any headspace suggests more that you are not fine with it.

Just go. Smile. Be pleasant. Walk on.

MomwasCasual · 26/07/2022 13:19

8 texts 15 months ago- hardly restraining order levels!

I think you'll be fine

StrangeCondition · 26/07/2022 13:26

Lol, I think you'll be fine. Are you jealous that she's with a new partner because it seems like you're giving this a lot of headspace

Original poster

doorboot · 26/07/2022 13:34

No I'm not jealous
It was me who decided I wanted nothing to do with her in any capacity (friend ) etc
So why would I be jealous

OP posts:

Catlover1970 · 26/07/2022 15:18

doorboot · 26/07/2022 12:17

I really don't have a big idea of myself or anything
I just know how intense she was with the texts at the end
She sent around 8 texts (all ignored ) asking why I treated her a certain way and it was too much.
So obviously that's why I wonder if seeing me might stir up her feelings for me again because they clearly were strong.

I don’t think you have anything to worry about. You seem more obsessed with her…..

RedDeath614 · 26/07/2022 15:41

Have you moved on to a new relationship OP? I'm guessing you haven't as it sounds like you're envious of the fact that she's moved on and you haven't. It actually reads like you still want her to be 'obsessed' with you, and you want her to be more into you than she is her current partner.

Hate to break it to you, but she probably won't even remember who you are, especially if you were 'never really together' 🤷🏻‍♀️

Next time maybe be a little nicer and give someone an explanation for breaking up instead of ghosting them. "Never being together" is no excuse for leading someone on before vanishing. You obviously thought she wouldn't have the balls to challenge your poor behaviour towards her but she did, and now she's moved on to a happy relationship. Good for her I say!

wellhelloitsme · 26/07/2022 15:48

It's been 15 months since you last had contact and she's in a relationship.

I think it's very likely that you're over estimating the impact this long after you stopped taking.

Chill, it's done. You're making it weird!

MadMadMadamMim · 26/07/2022 15:58

Goodness you sound arrogant!

There's no evidence that you ever cross her mind these days - it sounds like you behaved badly and she wanted an explanation, but has since moved on happily. She probably has you labelled in her head as 'Lucky escape'.

Despite all these replies telling you to get over yourself you are still harping on about her. You sound like you need help.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 26/07/2022 19:36

You think a lot of yourself don't you? She's in a relationship and hasn't spoken to you for a fair bit. It seems like she's over you. You broke up with her and she sent a few messages asking for an explanation. I'm sure by now she realises she can do better than someone who treats her like you.

JudgeRindersMinder · 26/07/2022 19:38

What’s it like to have this much self importance?🤣🤣🤣

JudyGemstone · 26/07/2022 19:43

I mean, it’s not really your problem.
if she will find it awkward to see you then she can decide if she should come or not.

CanYouNotReadTheSign · 26/07/2022 19:44

She's moved on. Get over it.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 26/07/2022 19:47

It sounds like you're the one not over her & are regretting letting her go?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/07/2022 19:48

I'm just worried seeing me might start it all up again for her.

Blimey, you have a high opinion of yourself.

Chances are she's well over you and happy with her new partner.

JudyGemstone · 26/07/2022 20:24

Is your actual worry about her being over you or about her acting out?

you haven’t said but I wonder if she was a difficult person to be with and showed any controlling or red flaggy behaviour?

I think you’d get different perspectives if she was an ex boyfriend

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