Should I Divorse

[livinginaprison]

Hi,
I have 2 kids, 8 and 9. Married with a man that is decent by nature. The problem is he has issues. He neglects me and the kids and is not there for me emotionally. We are barely friends and argue to communicate. I feel he desperately wants to be a good husband and dad but I believe he has undignosed Autisim which makes it very hard for him. On top of that he sufferes from addiction and currently he is addicted to work which has its pros and cons. Pros are, he provides for the family and it’s very generous. We have an amazing lifestyle. The con is he can’t put his mind on anything else which includes any type of other responsibility, ie bills, children, admin decisions, marriage etc.
There came a time that I really needed him emotionally to work from home recently. I had a major scare of someone trying to rob us. I asked him and he said he couldn’t. This really took me back as it was a serious scare and I needed to feel protected.
There are lots of old history that contributes to this but this just reinforced that he’s not really someone I want to be with. That I felt he wasn’t a friend that I could rely on for support.
Hes a recovering addict and I had supported him through that and he’s gone off the rails a bit and has started drinking excessively and is moods have been up and down and unpredictable recently like when he was into drugs.

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Have you thought about couples counselling first or even counselling for him? Maybe give that a shot before throwing it all away. These issues can be worked on if you both commit😊

Yes, we have done couples counciling before. We have tried more recently but we never have a time that is suitable for both of us. My husband makes this very difficult.

Maybe sit him down and say you’re at breaking point. Explain you’re close to asking for a divorce however if he cares enough to save the marriage, he will step up and ensure he attends counselling to try and salvage the relationship. If he doesn’t make any effort to do this, then yes.. maybe think about walking away. Good luck x

OP - your post is a bit jumbled so it’s hard to get a clear picture of what is going on.
If yiu are saying he is drinking/taking drugs again - then for me this would be a reason to walk away and not look back.
If he is working a lot, and that provides you a nice life, but you are missing on emotional support - then it’s something you need to work as a couple. It is possible that both of you need to change - him trying to be more present; and you realising that you need to take more responsibility for your emotions.

As to the asking him to work from home so you felt safe. I don’t know what his job is - but it is possible he genuinely couldn’t. It does seem that you resent him working a lot - calling it an addiction is rather disrespectful if you.

Do you think he has started back on drugs? If so then yes, leave.

If not, and it's the rest of it you are struggling with then I would say you sound codependent and a bit of an enabler/rescuer. You can stay and work on that part of you or leave and work on that part of you. But if you don't work on that part of you, you'll be in unhappy relationships regardless - next relationship will still have issues (just my opinion, not stating a fact). With your example of being 'almost' robbed - as you weren't robbed, I wonder how you would have coped without a partner to try to bring home? I wouldn't leave my job if my boyfriend was almost robbed, for example. I'd be sympathetic but expect him to cope til I got home. Now you plan to be single you will be coping with stuff like that alone anyway.