My husband doesnt like me

[TisforTucan]

We've been together for years, children and it is painfully obvious he doesn't like me anymore.

I can't do anything right or I do nothing (I'm a stay at home mum, I look after the youngest, on a course and do all house work). He is verbally aggressive even if I've said nothing to him and slags me off to our eldest to the point the eldest is repeating things like he won't miss me and doesnt like me (it's breaking my heart). Everything is my fault.

We rarely have sex, it's on his terms and he's not affectionate to me anymore, I went away recently and he barely contacted me, didn't say he missed me or kissed me when i came home, just berated me as soon as I came in the door.

There's no love or compassion or thinking of me, I've been unwell and he just doesn't want to help me or touch me. He treats the kids so differently, like he use to treat me.

I don't know what to do, I feel broken. We moved to his home town not long ago and I thought he would be happy when I agreed but he's not and I'm even more isolated from my friends and family now.

I can't leave him, I've no money but I feel so suicidal.

So sorry things are so difficult for you. Bumping for someone wise to come and advise.

I’m so sorry to see this and I’m sure others will be along soon with words of wisdom. This is not OK and you deserve so much more.

You can leave him he’s just made you think you can’t. It will be hard of course but not impossible. He’s a pig and you deserve better.

What course are you taking? Something which will boost your earnings potential?

Oh love, I'm so sorry. I've been where you are. But I did get out and get a life and it is so much better without him.

It is hard to admit but his behaviour is abuse.

Please ring Women's Aid and talk to friends and family and us here. You are worth so much more than this.

If he does not love you and is choosing to put you down in this cruel way, that is on him. It does not mean you don't deserve love and does not mean you are not loved by your children or friends or family.

You need to leave this man is he’s making you feel so sad. He’s disrespectful. Stay strong.
You have half of everything financially in the marriage.

He’s damaged you and he’s damaging your children, I think leaving is your only option.
He will have to pay child support and you’ll be able to claim benefits. It’s difficult starting again with little but it can be done. And the peace and freedom is worth it.
Speak to Women’s Aid, speak with a solicitor if you can. Then start making your plan to get out.

You deserve better. Can you get some legal advice about where you would stand if you got divorced. You might find you'd be much better off financially than you're imagining. Don't tell him you're thinking of it as this stage - keep it to yourself.

It will break you, living with someone who treats you so unkindly, with such disrespect and disinterest. And it's bad for your children, to see this modelled as a relationship - I'm sure you wouldn't want them to copy it when they're older, thinking it's 'normal'.

Keep working at your course and hopefully it will help you get work and become more independent, and build your confidence as well.

What about sitting down and speaking to him about all this?
He surely realises it all too? It's like some big elephant in the room. Why not address it? It doesn't have to be in a confrontational way, just a 'look, it doesn't seem our relationship is working, shall we separate?' then see how he feels?

If the relationship is not happy but you can co-parent safely with him then just say you are leaving if things aren't working out.

It's difficult but not impossible. Your housing list at the council will allow for "relationship breakdown" as a reason for housing need. You may wait a bit but you will get something eventually, and while you wait you can look for a part-time job around caring for the baby and get some money together to start a new life one you're out of there.

You just need to put steps in place for things like this, they seem impossible at first but they're not. First thing I think is to sit down and speak to him. If he agrees that your relationship won't work he can help you get set up. You are the mother of his child, you will always be in each other's lives.

I know it’s an old thread. But I’m in a similar boat. How did it work out?