In what ways does your conversation and interaction differ during date nights, if you do them, than to everyday life?

[allthegoddamntime]

Just wondering about this. I rarely go out with my partner of just over a year because we've both got health stuff going on (me more so) but we went away for a night recently and I was really hoping to have a different kind of interaction, to make it feel special and different. It didn't really happen though and I felt a bit upset. He seemed perfectly happy with the same kind of night we'd normally have at home though so I just wondered if this is what date night's like for some people? The same thing in a different place? Or do you have a different kind of interaction?

My partner is the best partner you could hope for in every day life - always kind and supportive and endlessly understanding about all of my health issues which I know are hard on him. I want to be with him for the rest of my life but I'd also like to connect with him on a deeper level in some ways. I enjoy the "banter" that we usually have on the sofa in front of the TV as he's really funny but sometimes I want something more. I've read this need for more depth can be a neurodivergent thing that neurotypical people don't always understand (he's neurotypical, I have ADHD) but I'm not sure if that's what's going on here or if it 's just two different personalities or a bit of both (I certainly know neuroptypical people who are more similar to myself in this regard but I've definitely experienced this problem with boyfriends many times in the past). I often try to take our chats to deeper places (I still want to have fun and laugh and don't find that suffers when I talk about deeper things with my friends) but this often seems to fail. So I'd be interested to hear what's normal for others and how you feel about it?

*than IN everyday life

Our everyday chats tend to just be what we’re getting on the Ocado, what we read in the paper, any news about friends, how work was, what we should do at the weekend; what we’re reading

On a date night or when we’re having a few drinks then we talk more about long term plans, politics and religion; big stuff. One of us will often be devil’s advocate but we don’t argue - broadly on the same page

Date night seems to be more long term plans - future plans/ holidays that sort of thing

There's no real difference other than venue, for us - we don't have children, I imagine maybe date night for parents includes a kind of 'adult chat only' unspoken rule so you're not just discussing Movicol or primary school admissions all night. But for us it's the same as always, in a nicer/different place.

But we're both talkers and we talk about everything, from trivial nonsense to 'deep' stuff, just generally. Sounds like that's what you're missing more than anything! (Plus maybe wanting to make a rare date feel special, which is understandable.)

Is he not interested in chats about the bigger stuff? I kind of find it hard to imagine, because DH will go on a tangent about politics over breakfast haha. If you mentioned a big news story with a political angle and started talking about it, would he just drift away from it? If you asked him about his views on something important to you, would he engage, or just not have an opinion, or actively ask you to stop?

Date nights for me often involved discussing longer terms issues like what to do in retirement rather than the day to day stuff about what to get at the supermarket or who is dropping the kids off somewhere,

It can lead to more significant conflict if a deep rooted issue comes up that you find you disagree on (moving out of the city was one for me)

Yes date nights might be for deeper discussions, or planning holidays, future plans etc…