Friend blanked me for 2 weeks

[ChristmasJumpers]

Sorry, its a long one!

Like the title says, 2 weeks ago my friend was having an argument with her DH (MIL issues) and was venting to me over Facebook messenger. I listened and supported her. They were supposed to be painting their new house together over that weekend and he had been guilted into going to a last minute family event instead so I offered to help her paint while he was gone.

On the day, she messaged to say "Hey you don't need to come anymore thanks". No explanation given I'd cleared my day for her. I replied that the offer is always there. And that's it, she left it unread and hasn't spoken to me for 2 weeks, despite me messaging again twice since asking if she's okay as she's been quiet.

She has however been messaging into a Facebook group chat that I'm part of, arranging to go on a girls shopping trip yesterday. I cancelled and said I wasn't feeling well as I didn't want to face her after being ignored and not knowing why. Eventually she also cancelled due to more decorating work on the house so the rest of the girls (more her friends than mine) went ahead without us.

Today she has messaged me saying "Hey are you feeling better today?" WTF?!?!?! No acknowledgement that she's blanked 3 messages from me in the last fortnight.

What do I do? I haven't replied yet.

For context I am also going through IVF, she knows this but not that we've recently had an embryo transfer as we're keeping that between me and DH. Probably not relevant but still rude to have blanked me when she knows I'm going through a very tough time!

She's probably made up with her bloke and feels a bit embarrassed over her venting. Now she's allowed time to pass things can get back to normal.

@gamerchick possibly, although she uses me as a sounding board quite often!

What doesn't help is I've been letting it wind me up every time she speaks in the group chat and still doesn't even open my messages. I'm not one for an argument so don't want to tell her it's wound me up but also not really ready to just reply as if nothing happened

Take this as an indication that it's not a reciprical relationship and cut down on free listening/counselling services. You may become 'that' friend. Good for listening but not the fun stuff.

I had this with my brother and sister in law. Would offload to me about their marital issues, loads of drama, then kiss and make up and wouldn't hear from them for months. Left me feeling burdened with their angst, then ignored. Being used isn't a good feeling.

Good luck with the IVF treatment BTW, very stressful. The fact she hasn't enquired about it speaks volumes.

When I separated, then divorced my exH, didn't see DB and SIL for dust. No listening or counselling or support at all.

Good luck with your IVF. I really hope it works for you. She sounds utterly selfish. You are a much better friend to her than she is to you.

I don't think 2 weeks is that long at all. And she's got back in touch with a nice normal message asking how you are. I think you're totally over reacting. Sometimes people don't want to be keeping texting convos going continually or whatever. She's allowed to chat on the group but leave the 1 on 1 messaging til she's feeling up to it.

But at the same time I wouldn't blame you for stepping back from being the default shoulder to cry on. It can become draining, especially when it's one sided.

I would assume she’s just busy with life and feeling overwhelmed. It’s not unusual for me to go 2 weeks without responding to my best friend and same for her. Life can just be exhausting and sometimes you don’t have the energy. I would try not to take it personally.

@mindutopia @Pyaar this is true and I do have other friends that I talk to here and there, some only on birthdays and Christmas. I think the difference is I know this friend inside out so I know she was purposely blanking me. We're not the friends who ignore messages unless she thinks I've done something to annoy her. I've definitely been Frozen out, I just don't know why this time, totally baffled!

Definitely not up for an argument ATM though so will let it lie I think.

For those wishing me well with IVF, thank you! We had our BFP over the weekend 🥰🥰

I'd be honest with her. So when she was messaging the group chat, but not your message, I would have said something like "hey X! I know you're on here - my messages remain unread 😂"

If she doesn't get the message or doesn't care about you enough to apologise and response then that's your answer.

Congratulations on the bfp @ChristmasJumpers! I'd step away for a bit, it may only be a little bit of drama but you need nonesuch like that at the moment!

You know too much I suspect. She's embarrassed that you had to step in where he partner wouldn't. Shes embarrassed and doesn't want the topic bought back up.

Stop asking about her relationship and withdraw when she pulls you in. The closeness you get from helping will be turned around and may be what ends your friendship.

Good luck with the IVF 🤞🤞