Would you buy a flat if you were in a serious relationship?

[Cajunne]

I’ve been seeing my partner for a year. We’re serious about the future and on the same page about kids.

He has his own place. I’m living in my sister’s flat while she works abroad and I’ve got 20k for a deposit.

The problem is that I’m completely priced out of where I’d like to stay. The market has gone insane.

Dsis is staying abroad for another year. WIBU to stay put and hopefully move in with him then?

Are you saying that if it weren’t for him you’d move to a different more affordable area and buy something yourself?

No always be independent just in case things change and get your own place now. My DSis and BiL each have their own flats which they rent out and they live elsewhere together.

I’d stay in the flat and save more for the deposit, you might be looking at buying together then, or maybe not.

I'd ltry to buy your own place. What if you spilt up next year will you regret not buying somewhere?

I would stay put unless you are thinking of moving in with him into his flat. Are you thinking of him selling his flat and buying somewhere together, have you looked at what mortgage you can afford.

I would continue to plan on the basis thst you buy your own flat - if it all works out with him the fab - you’ve got a solid investment you can rent out. If it doesn’t work out you’re still invested

Buy your own place. Always if you can, buy your own place.

If we split up and I haven’t bought anywhere, at least I will still have my deposit.

Everyone is saying that the market can’t go on like this, so I’m worried that if I buy just now, it will be in not the nicest of areas and I might end up never being able to sell it for what I’d pay if I bought it just now.

No. His flat would suit us both job wise. I’m 34 so want to start a family sooner rather than later. My deposit could be used for a small wedding and then a cushion for mat leave.

If your sister's going to be abroad for another year it seems sensible to make the most of that and stay put. In a year's time you'll be more certain about the relationship (a year is very soon to be moving in together imo) and whether you want to move in with him or buy together elsewhere. And/or you'll have more of a deposit saved.

I presume your sister isn't charging you extortionate rent and he isn't putting pressure on you either way yet!

A mortgage is a lot of commitment. More even than a marriage with far more red tape and all connected to security of where you live. I say either get one on your own or move into his with money aside to leave in an emergency.

You say you're on the same page about children, so on the same page in terms of how to make health decisions, education decisions, parenting styles, goals in upbringing? Same page on how to manage finances, chores, working patterns, and everything else?

If you are then great, this is what most fail to do nowadays.

Well moving in with a man is not a lifetime commitment these days.

I wouldn't (and didnt) make a lifetime commitment until AFTER we'd lived together ; best test of "is it forever"

You can keep/invest your 20 K deposit AND try out living together .

No. His flat would suit us both job wise. I’m 34 so want to start a family sooner rather than later. My deposit could be used for a small wedding and then a cushion for mat leave.

If you could have another year at your sisters and continue to save I'd do that...or move in with him as a trial.

If you move in with him his flat will remain 100% his so I wouldn't be solely funding a wedding or covering your mat leave. Keep your 20k or invest it then pay for the weeding and mat leave together.

If you ever move and buy jointly you can use your 20k then as long as he's contributing at least 20k equity towards the deposit

Stay at your sisters for another year and add to your savings
See where life is in a year

@Cajunne does he want to move in together? Have you discussed marriage and children and when that might happen?

He’s been the one to bring up all the serious conversations and he’s very family orientated- he’s been clear that he wants that. His place is also absolutely spotless so I’m not worried about sharing chores!

I think we could be ready in another year.

That’s great, when he talks about family and marriage, does he specifically say within the next year? Only checking because a lot of people are pretty strong on marriage and children but they don’t specifically think about when it’s going to happen. Do you think he’s planning to propose in the next few months? Hard question to answer I know, but most women have a sense of it

Definitely buy a property.

Property goes up in value not down (in the long term). Rents however always go up.

Don't fall into the trap of taking the easy route by moving in with him, getting pregnant. It will always be his house when push comes to shove.

You really do NEED to read the countless threads on here where women take the easy option and when invariably it goes wrong, they're up the creek without a paddle. Kids DO change the dynamics of a relationship and in the meantime, his property has gone up ten-fold in value and you would be left with nothing.

Have you thought about investing in a property to let out?
You might even be able to borrow a little more on a buy-to-let mortgage. You also have the security of being able to subsidise the mortgage if needed as you are staying at your sister.

Hope the moving in together / family plans all work out.
However
Definitely invest. Definitely maintain finance independence.

My deposit could be used for a small wedding and then a cushion for mat leave.

Wasting money on a wedding is madness, and I wouldn't recommend that any woman purchase property with a partner unless they are married.

My thoughts too.

Having your sister's place for another year is a significant advantage over others in a similar position.

I'd hang tight and see where you all are in 6 months. Good luck.