Things seem too good

[cocavino]

I've been dating my boyfriend for 4.5 months. We are both in our 40s. We have honest, open communication. Our physical chemistry is amazing. We have never had an argument. He is extremely kind and thoughtful to me and even has done things like take the afternoon off work to drive me to the airport.

He does have flaws, like being kind of spacy, and poor at leaving for places on time. So I am aware that he's human and imperfect.

I have a history of abusive relationships. My boyfriend really seems different, but I sometimes worry that I have got it wrong and this bubble will burst.

Is it possible that this is the real thing? Do people really have calm, happy, mutually supportive relationships?

Yes, this is possible!

Same thing happened to me, OP. Enjoy. Lots of people have relationships like this, but it's a bit startling when you're used to bad relationships, isn't it?

@Watchkeys yes, it's incredibly jarring. I have done a lot of work on myself, read Why Does He Do That, done the Freedom Programme, and I think learned to screen out the narcissists and abusers. But still, I didn't realise someone so kind and lovely could exist. And he seems to feel the same about me! Pinching myself daily.

Yes it is possible to have a happy loving relationship. Enjoy this time with your boyfriend OP and try not to let your past seep into this new relationship. Enjoy every moment of it :)

The thing is, it could always go wrong, even with two lovely people. It helped me when I realised that all I have to do to have a healthy relationship is mention if I'm unhappy, and then let my partner decide how to deal with that. She's consistently respectful and loving, but if she stopped being, I'd leave, and I'd be fine, because I've got my own back.

You can never be 100% sure of another person, and you don't have to be. Be sure of you, and enjoy other people. Enjoy your lovely new bloke!

@Watchkeys this is very true! I think that a healthy relationship requires firm boundaries and standards

It does. And crucially, it needs for you to know that you're ok if it all comes crashing down. If you're emotionally self sufficient, then it will be upsetting if someone surprises you unpleasantly, but it won't crush you.

A healthy relationship doesn't really challenge boundaries, so if you feel yourself having to 'uphold' them, it's already gone a bit squiffy.

Update: things are still great. And I still can't believe my amazing luck!

We have honest, open communication. Our physical chemistry is amazing. We have never had an argument. He is extremely kind and thoughtful to me

Is this all still 100% true?

I hope so. Lovely to see your update!

Great update ☺️ As always I totally echo what watchkeys says 🤣 It's totally possible. I left an abusive marriage, 2 years single and now happily settled with a gem. 2 years in and not a single red flag in sight. Enjoy OP xx

@Watchkeys we have had very minor arguments in the sense that there has been a misunderstanding or disagreement. However, we have both handled these types of discussions with good faith and empathy, so they haven't exactly felt like arguments iyswim.

Otherwise, yes!

@totallyoutnumbered it's really wonderful that you have found this! And it strengthens my hope in the future

I'm glad it's not been 100% perfect, it's much more realistic.

So pleased you updated, and very happy for you!

We should all join a club of people who had no idea it could be so good

Yes!!! The things I'd tell my younger self!