Do you enjoy and look forward to spending time with partner?

[mondayzzz]

I'm not sure if I do anymore. We've been together for a long time and he's not my favourite person to spend time with anymore. He's not a bad guy but I feel like I'm just bored and I'd much rather spend the time alone or with someone else! We have a young child so life is a bit busy and I don't always feel like he pulls his weight as much as he should. I've talked to him about it and he has started to help out more but I feel like all the mental load is still on me, if I leave him to it he asks questions and I get frustrated. So that probably doesn't help how I feel. But when we spend time together, days out etc to me it feels a bit forced. He was away for a week recently and I didn't feel like I missed him. Although getting DS to bed on my own felt harder, the rest didn't actually feel any different. In fact it almost felt a bit easier! That's not right, surely! I should feel his absence more than that. I'm starting to feel like he's someone I HAVE to be with rather than someone I actually want to and I feel awful about it. Anyone been in this situation?

I wouldn't miss spending time with someone whose presence made me feel resentful and unappreciated, which it sounds like your partner's does. So it makes sense - you wouldn't want to see a friend who never called or messaged, made you organise all trips, made you do all the driving, etc, would you? You'd end up feeling glad they weren't around because their presence was just more evidence that they were taking you for granted.

I felt like this with my ex. He came home from working away all week, and would ask if I had missed him. I said yes, but actually thought 'no, I didn't at all'. I finished it after trying for a while. Never regretted it

Yesssss! Wow this sounds like me I’ve been like this recently we have two kids my youngest is really challenging and I do pretty much everything! Other half works works a lot soo feel like I do most things alone so when it comes To spending time together i am more wanting to be alone it’s ridiculous how guilty it makes me feel but I feel like I’m never ever alone so all I crave is me time … x

Yes this is all too familiar. It's horrible realising it isn't it? I don't really know what to do or where to go from here.

I no longer look forward to it, no. Been together 7 years but don't live together so only see eachother once a week at the most. Neither of us have any money to do anything anymore so if I drive round to see him we'd usually just end up watching TV and going to sleep. Nothing worth sticking round for anymore I feel

I felt that way with my ex sometimes (before he left). Now have new partner, who I often feel excited to see, and look forward to catching up with. Not sure whether it’s possible to keep up that sort of excitement in a long term relationship though.

No I’m not sure it is I’ve been with my partner 10 years and we do have our moments when the kids are in bed and we have a drink or a laugh and some time together alone but it’s Beth hard with work and kids when life just seems to get in the way you start to forget what’s important and just pick at each other xx

I think it’s worth remembering why you got together in the first place and realising why you love them because sometimes you don’t stop to think how they feel either. X

@Mumof2gurls that's a good point and I do try and think about how he feels about things. I desperately want to recapture what we had and look forward to spending time together. But do think he probably feels the same but would never admit it.

Is it inevitable life just gets in the way? I do often wonder if I'm expecting too much and should be happy we have a nice home, two lovely children etc...

Hi OP. I could have written your post word for word. I don't have any answers yet. I think I know what the long term future looks like for me and my husband, but really hard to think that means my family breaking up. For me, the lack of his respect for everything I do hurts the most. I take the mental load and feel like I have 3 kids, not 2. When he's away it does feel easier as I don't get that crushing disappointment of feeling let down by all the little things he doesn't do when he's around. I do think it's hard to keep the romance of the first couple of years going and I'm not naive to think life is always rosy. I am a strong woman but miss being cared for, if that makes sense. All I can say is try to keep communicating without trying to blame each other but this is easier said than done. Thinking of you.

After a long stressful week at work I love the thought of spending time with my partner. However, I also love my own company but it's comforting to know that I have my partners company whenever I want it.

@MummyDummyNow I think it’s just really easy to see everything in black and white when it must be hard for them too …. Maybe us trying to put some effort in, might make all the difference. Men more times than not don’t show emotion so won’t be able to show how they are feeling and we just wanting to be alone and shut them and the world out, it’s only pushing them away. Maybe the real issue is within us rather than within them. Xx

I honestly believe when we are strong and motivated and treat them with respect men react in a positive way instead of distancing ourselves and making ourselves victims all the time by moaning and being unhappy with everything it doesn’t make them want to do anything, show him ur worth! Show him you don’t need him but don’t forget to show him you want him! There’s a big difference and it really can make all the difference too! X

I love spending time with my partner (10+ years so not a new relationship) because he is funny and intelligent and respectful and clearly finds me attractive). If it wasn’t for that, I guess I would not enjoy it so much. So
i guess it is about what you want vs what you’re gettting from your partner. Do not sell
yourself short!

I do - in fact just today, it's our first child free night for a while (DD is with her dad) and DH and I were doing different things this afternoon and it struck me that I was SO looking forward to having the evening with him (just at home - cooked a nice meal but didn't do anything that exciting - it was just the thought of having him too myself!)

We have only been together a couple of years tho. With both my ex husband's I got to the point where I literally got SO excited when they were going out for the evening without me......

I do think it is something that can be worked on to an extent - keeping that spark alive. Plan to do nice things together (even if it's just cooking each others favourite meal, or watching a film together at home). Try and make your time together more special....

BUT, for me anyway, there is a point when the spark is just gone and you can't rekindle it.

(Hope it doesn't happen this time - can't face a third divorce....)