How to rebuild my life after break up

[lonelylife]

Recently broken up with an abusive loser. I am glad it is over although I am struggling with rebuilding my life again. During covid, most of my friends moved away out of the city. My whole life became work and my partner. I feel so lonely now and I feel like I am starting from scratch again. It is horrendous being on my own on the weekends - and I usually love being on my own! Any tips on how I can rebuild my life and meet new people and make friends? I am nearly 40 so not an easy age!

Well done for getting away from him OP x

What do you like doing? What interests do you have?

I took an evening course at a local college last year and met a couple of lovely women who are now friends, is that an option?

What do you like doing?

Do you like learning new things? Write a book? Paddle boarding? Adventuring? Cycling? Open water swimming?

I left my exh in November, I'm (cliche but true) living my best life. I've been away with dd and with friends multiple times this year, I've been going open water swimming, paddle boarding, festivals, raves, acted like a teenager at times and got wrecked but had fun, tried growing veg and doing my garden but got bored of that, painted the bathroom. Have got two holidays booked for August and I'll be surfing, paddle boarding, hiking and getting uo early for sunrises on top of big hills.

Also my FOMO has gone. I'm happy watching a film, eating pitta chips and hummus with a glass of red on a Saturday night if I'm not adventuring. I love love love making myself happy!

@MaxOverTheMoon what a fabulous post demonstrating how we should all be making the most of our lives (both inside or outside of relationships!).
@lonelylife Start with one thing, a class, accepting an invitation, or learning a new skill and just build on it..one step at a time

Thanks @Torres10 I've never taken responsibility for my own happiness before and it is going really well!

OP I started off listening to an audio book and going for an hours walk a day. I had exh trying his best to get back with me/or make my life hell and I developed a stress related illness that is almost all gone now. I will always guard my happiness now that I've found it.

Don't rush into a relationship with someone else. Use this time to grieve and then make yourself happy. It's a bloody lovely feeling

Also my holidays have been basic camping, cheap festivals and since I'm such a light weight I don't spend much money on a night out. My biggest spends was my paddle board and walking shoes but I did Pen Ye Fan in trainers. My next adventure will be sleeping in my car at Pen Ye Fan or the Sugar Loaf and making breakfast on my camping stove at the summit with the sunrise. That might not be your thing - find your thing. If you try it (Ibtried gardening, rock climbing and other things I didn't enjoy) then keep trying new things till you find it. Chase your happiness selfishly and don't let it go over no man ever again.

@lonelylife

Sorry to hear you're in this predicament.

Are you close to your family?
Do you want children?

I've got no good advice with regards to making new friends at this stage of life; I've found it to be a real slog and rather disappointing.

I also think, with no due respect, @MaxOverTheMoon it's much easier not to feel alone when you have a child, at least you have someone to care for on a daily basis (I know the difference I was up until recently childfree so do remember my life quite well before and after children), even though you mention a lot of solitary activities you've been getting on with since leaving your husband.

@anthurium my dd is 16 and always at work/friends/her own life, I take your point but I was much lonelier when dd was little rather than now. Children don't and shouldn't be used to fill adult needs of connection and being a parent can be lonely for some.

OP you also asked for tips to make friends, once you work out your interests you'll be able to join meet ups or clubs and make new friends. Bumble does a friend app, I joined a few adventure single type of groups on fb and they have meet ups all the time. I've also thrown myself into nurturing my friendships I already had.

I've joined all the social apps I can but I'm also a parent so I've joined all the mum apps too
Joined every Meet-up group which remotely takes my fancy and pushed myself to go to events which I've really enjoyed

I have NOT joined any dating apps as I know they will just make me feel a million times worse