Should I tell him I'm not looking for something purely casual?

[uclmerc]

I’ve been on a few dates with a guy from a dating app. We get on extremely well, laugh a lot and he has been a real gentleman with me. On our first date, my bag and all the contents (house keys, phone etc.) got stolen, and he spent the night at the police station with me, even accompanying me the next day to pick up the stolen goods. He’s told me quite a few times that he has had a great time with me too, but apart from that we have been quite jokey and it’s hard to know what he wants from this.

I’m wondering whether it’s fair to mention that I’m open to being chill and going with the flow, but that I’m not looking for a “friends with benefits”- style arrangement. I don’t want to be seen as needy or pushy, but my experience on dating apps has often led to confusion and hurt later down the line where the other person was looking for something totally different. I’m not expecting someone to have a set idea of what they want, but I also feel that it’s a little unfair to myself to not mention something I know I don’t want. Any thoughts or experiences please?

I think you absolutely should discuss what you're both looking for. Otherwise it could be a complete waste of time for both of you.

I think the key is to make sure you phrase it as what you're ideally looking for with the right person, rather than giving him the impression that's what your looking for from HIM right NOW

Best be honest? I think it's good to know what you want and get out early if you are incompatible.

Yes, remember your heart is on a plate right now. Protect it. Find out what he wants.

I'm not sure i would tbh, unless there was something on his profile or about the site you met on that suggests he wanted casual only.

You only have to decide whether you want to see him again, and on what terms. For sure, make it clear what those are ('I'd really like to see you again, what about lunch? I'll have to be away by 4 but we could meet at 1?') but I wouldn't lice in the future for now.

I did sex dating for a year on a site which was definitely about casual sex only (adultfriendfinder) and when I decided I wanted a relationship moved to a conventional site, and met dp. The 3 men i met from the conventional site were all interested in some form of relationship.

Live in the future, not lice in the future!

Thank you for your advice! We briefly touched on the conversation last time, and he said that you can never know what you want for sure when you start using those sites. He said he’d had a long-term relationship a couple of years ago, then some shorter ones. He also said he’d had things where he’d seen the person a few times then not liked them enough to “make anything of it.”

I would just go with the flow there is no way that anyone can answer honestly if you are long term relationship material after a few hours together. It seems like he is trying to find a relationship from his "making anything of it".

Enjoy what you can enjoy try not to label anything too early.

It's good to know what you want, however relationships evolve naturally, go on a few more dates. You will know if the excitement of staying in touch remains, planning stuff to do etc. Make it clear you won't sleep together unless you've decided to stop looking on the apps.

I’m not expecting someone to have a set idea of what they want

Why not? Not knowing if they want a long term relationship even? That's a very low bar. You will end up being used by those who will try to figure out what they want on your time.

For all you know he is just passing time before moving to Australia in two months (as it happened with a friend of mine, she didn't ask, he didn't say)