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Original poster

Can a male and female ever be ‘just friends’?

28 replies

Lovemusic33 · 24/07/2022 16:06

Now I do know it’s possible, I do have male friends but one in particular is making my life hard work. I consider him as one of my best friends, we have known each other for a few years, originally we did date but I wasn’t feeling it so we decided to be friends, all was good, we meet up often, share interests and activities and have taken kids out together but in the last few month he has started telling me how much he would love to be in a relationship with me, he tells me how amazing I am (all the time) and tells me he misses me when we don’t see each other for a week or 2. It’s starting to make me really uncomfortable and is making me not want to see him at all which is a shame. This morning after telling him I didn’t want to meet up today he yet again told me how beautiful I am and I asked him to stop, I told him he’s making me feel uncomfortable. I have told him many times why we can’t be in a relationship and have told him he will only ever be a friend but he won’t except this.

I know people will tell me to go no contact but I really don’t want to lose his friendship. Will he ever be able to just be friends?

OP posts:
ShandaLear · 24/07/2022 16:08

Friends don’t make you feel uncomfortable and they respect your boundaries.

oviraptor21 · 24/07/2022 16:11

Sorry OP. It's time to let this friend go if he won't accept your position.

Watchkeys · 24/07/2022 16:32

The real question is 'Why do I want to be friends with someone who doesn't respect my boundaries?'

have told him he will only ever be a friend but he won’t except this

He couldn't make it clearer to you. Have a relationship with him or don't have him in your life. The fact that you can't make a decision about it has nothing to do with the broader question you're asking.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 24/07/2022 16:34

This type of scenario is also why remaining friends after dating each other is not a good idea.

The friendship is already lost. He is no friend to you as he cannot and will not respect your boundaries, making you feel uncomfortable in the process.

ThanksAntsThants · 24/07/2022 16:39

Somebody who makes you feel uncomfortable is a bad friend.

as to the question in your thread title, not everybody is heterosexual. I am a lesbian and have plenty of lesbian friends who I show no interest in and they show no interest in me, in fact it’s never been an issue at all, so I wonder if it has less to do with the sex of person they’re attracted to than the sex of person they are themselves

crochetmonkey74 · 24/07/2022 16:40

Yes they can but only if dating has never been an option /would never be an option. I have 2 very close male friends. One has been married as long as I have known him and I'm friends with his wife too. The other is single but asexual. Both are like brothers to me. We could share a bed and neither of us would bat an eye. (We haven't and I wouldn't out of respect for friends wife)
I have another male friend and there's always been tension between us, there's been a few near Hook ups previously when we were single. It's harder to be friends with him and especially when he is in a relationship or I am

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 24/07/2022 16:42

Thank you, I know you are right, I have told him many times that I don’t want a relationship but he still pushes. He seems to think I’m joking when I say I don’t fancy him, he says I send mixed messages when I have been very clear as to how I feel and what I want/don’t want. When I say ‘we dated’ it was barely anything, a couple dates and then I told him I didn’t want anything other than friendship. We carried on as friends because we share so many interests and neither of us know many other people with those interests, all was ok for quite a while but now I’m finding him too full on and I don’t really want to be around him.

OP posts:
OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 24/07/2022 16:43

Can a male and a female be friends? Yes of course. Can you just be friends with a male who clearly wants more than friendship and isn't prepared to read your signals and back off? Probably not.

takeitandleaveit · 24/07/2022 16:44

He's not respecting your boundaries, and won't take no for an answer.

That is not someone you want to have any kind of relationship with.

Staynow · 24/07/2022 16:47

Men and women can be friends. That isn't the problem here. The problem is he doesn't want to be your friend.

Watchkeys · 24/07/2022 16:58

I don’t really want to be around him

Then don't. Problem solved. Why would you go against what you want?

Trinity65 · 24/07/2022 18:10

Yes, Male and Female can Just be Friends.

Me and my male BFF have been friends for 11 Years this coming October. Nothing has ever progressed but we are both happy how things are . Shared a bed more than once simply to Sleep .
In your case, though, He wants more than you so I would call it a Day . Personally

Dilbertian · 24/07/2022 22:17

I have had a few super-close M/F friendships, without there being anything more. But when the man wanted the friendship to progress to girlfriendship, and I didn't, the friendship soon petered out.

I think it can only work when both want the same thing. I would not have stayed a close friend with a man who would not accept it.

Jusrollinstones · 25/07/2022 00:42

No, you can’t be friends when one person clearly wants a relationship and the other one doesn’t. You are sending him mixed messages

SunscreenCentral · 25/07/2022 01:43

No. He won't stop now.

JudithandHolofernesHead · 25/07/2022 03:25

You've made your position clear. If he can't accept it tell him you aren't going to meet up again, ever, and stop seeing him. Consign this "friendship" to the bin.

StarlightLady · 25/07/2022 06:05

Yes, males and females can be friends. Just as much as lesbian women can be friends with other women. But in this case, you are talking specifics not generally. And it looks as if this is not a real friend at all.

Dery · 25/07/2022 06:34

“No, you can’t be friends when one person clearly wants a relationship and the other one doesn’t.”

This. It’s a shame to lose a friend but since he’s interested in you, him spending time with you while you’re being your amazing self isn’t going to help him “recover” from you, so to speak. So for both your sakes, I think you need to cut him loose.

roastedsaltedpeanut · 25/07/2022 06:58

Interestingly, most females will agree that there can be true friendship between males and females. I don’t doubt the sincerity of the women to truly perceive the interaction as purely friendly.

Males on the other hand will disagree pure friendship exists between male and female. There will always be an element of sexual attraction. The man will always want to sleep with his female friend as that’s the next level up from friend zone. When there is a chink in the woman’s armour due to any kind of emotional stress that “friend” will be the first to slide in and take advantage of the vulnerability for his own gain (which may be mutually beneficial at this point).

Your “friend” is having his last attempt at sleeping with you. With luck you may surrender to the pressure, if not this will break it off and he shall move on knowing he has exhausted every single avenue.

if you truly are not sexually attracted him and find his advances irksome, it may be your body physically telling you he isn’t suitable. Let this “friendship” go as all that was good was based on his fantasy that he could one day nail you, therefore friendly behaviours based on his fantasy is conditional to his desire to play friend.

The honourable thing is to cut it off I believe.

MingeofDeath · 25/07/2022 10:15

Yes men and women can be friends. My best friend is a man, we are kindred spirits, I love him to bits but not in "that way". I am happily married and adore my husband. My husband is friends with my best friend as well and is quite happy for us to go to the cinema etc becuase he knows that BF and I have similar tastes and he knows that there is not a whiff of sexual attraction between us.

BMW6 · 25/07/2022 18:10

Yes of course you can be just good friends, but ONLY if you both only feel friendship.

I think you should break off from this friendship as it is no longer reciprocal - he wants more. It would not be fair to him to continue contact.

Stupidlydupidly · 25/07/2022 18:21

Men in general, yes. This man, no. He is not your friend, he is trying to date you.

WillitFit · 25/07/2022 18:26

Yes they can, but if you're asking, either as an involved party or as the partner of an involved party, they're probably not.

YouAreNotBatman · 25/07/2022 18:48

Hey @crochetmonkey74, may ask a question?
You said your friend is asexual, is he very open about it? How do people take it?
How did you react / feel when he told you he’s asexual?

I’m sorry for asking so many question (also sorry to op for hijacking her thread) but I’m also asexual and I have been wondering about

”coming out” so I could be more honest with people, but I’m scared how people view such a thing.

WorryMcGee · 25/07/2022 18:54

Only if both of you only want friendship and he clearly doesn’t just want that. Also he doesn’t respect you as he’s not listened to a word you’ve said, which isn’t the best grounding for a friendship anyway ☹️