Slept with my ex. Pissed off now.

[TheBigReveal]

We broke up a few weeks ago after just over a year together. For various reasons we couldn't see a long term future and so made the sad decision to end things. No resentment or hard feelings - it had been a lovely relationship in which I had felt valued, loved and respected.

He never really stopped texting and still seemed to want to see me though. Spending time together felt weird as the desire to hug and touch was still there. Then he got Covid (I have recently recovered.)

I felt bad as he doesn't really have much in the way of friends and family here (he isn't British and has only been here a couple of years working long hours). So I messaged every day to see how he was and went to visit him the day before yesterday when he was feeling better.

He wanted to hug and then he wanted to go further. I initially said no as I was worried about things being weird afterwards. I should have left then. But I didn't and tbh I just got turned on and, against my better judgement, changed my mind and had sex.

As I was leaving he said, "Don't go home and cry and be upset." Which really really pissed me off. I've been fine since we broke up. I've been busy starting a new job and seeing friends and although I am sad about the breakup I am not on the floor. Life goes on. Whenever we have seen eachother he has been much more tearful than me. So I was a bit indignant and said something along the lines of, "I'm not going home to cry, I'm going home to watch Love Island ffs."

But then the next day he didn't message me. Completely unlike him and it felt... I don't know. Uncaring? Disrespectful? I didn't message him either.

He did message today asking how I was. I replied casually. But I'm pissed off. It's starting to feel like he wants me to continue to provide company and support and sex but without the relationship? I'm not up for that. This is a man who claimed he had never felt this way before about any woman. He seemed to care about me so much. I'm not naive and I was well aware that sleeping together wouldn't change anything. But I resent being treated like a casual hook up. I thought he had more respect for me than that.

How to handle going forward?

‘I’m going home to watch Love Island ffs’ 💀 😂 👏🏼

You’re doing the right thing in putting some more serious boundaries in place. It’s too soon to be friends and really it’s not your problem anymore that he doesn’t have anyone else.

Then recently I got Covid. He came round to leave some shopping at my front door and as I waved to him across the front garden I could see his body language was weird. I messaged to ask what was up. And he ended it over messenger. I had a terrible week feeling very ill with Covid and being unable to speak with him in person. But I got through it, started a new job, and was ok.

Ge left some shopping (once?) but aside from that, dumped you while you were dealing with covid.

Meanwhile you're all;.

"I felt bad as he doesn't really have much in the way of friends and family here (he isn't British and has only been here a couple of years working long hours). So I messaged every day to see how he was and went to visit him the day before yesterday when he was feeling better."

You're too soft/nice, it's not two way

Sounds like he likes to have the last word. You tried to break up, he convinces you not to, then broke up with you at a later date. The same with the sex.

Agree with this too.

He does seem like he wants to feel like he's done rhe finishing; not both of you, and not you.

There's some ego or control thing at work with him here.

Very immature and a bit nasty.

I would not be giving him any further opportunities to do the "discard". It sounds like youre not.

Also it sounds like he'd implement a fwb/support person scenario with you until he leaves. Not going to work for you.

“From now on I'm casual, pleasant enough, but slow to respond and very very busy.”

Perfect. Also I’ve found that something that helps take the sting out of experiences like this - or at least reduce it - is to think: what can I learn from this? How can I make this experience work for me? It’s been very helpful over the years. It really does make a difference to how I feel about what has happened.

Haha, brilliant. Let us know how he takes this! You're taking the power back. X

He took it by saying he would come by my work place instead and I could make him a lovely drink 🙄 (I manage a small bar/restaurant and he is used to stopping by for a chat.)

I replied with "whatever's easiest for you."

He then messaged back with a flirty joke about how his drink had better be perfect.

I'll just be busy when he comes.

I’m confused, what outcome were you were expecting? He broke up with you but you felt sorry for him????? Look, nostalgia and horniness got the better of you, so what. Why the sudden feeling of being taken advantage of? Unless you wanted some Rom Com ending but are embarrassed it was just got a shag.

Is there any reason you can't just block his arse from contacting you OP? 🤔

You are too nice. I would not let him at your work place. He's not your bf anymore, leave space for someone else. You never know were you can meet M. Right. I would tell him that he better come up with a real I want you back as my girlfriend and this is the plan. Or fuck off. For real. He can take as much time as he wants to think about it. While you a readily available for new adventures. Without him.

I don't want him back as a boyfriend. He's probably leaving in a couple of months and I don't want to continue knowing that.

If I'm really honest with myself I think the relationship had likely run its course anyway. We didn't actually have a great deal in common. I'd like to be with someone with whom I share more interests.

Blocking him seems unnecessary and angry. I don't hate him. I just don't want to be his fwb/support animal/person to pass the time with until he leaves.

And I don't want to have sex with him again.