I think I'm ready to leave, but I'm heartbroken.

[rhowton]

As the title says, I think I'm ready to leave.

My DH has hidden things from me and lied quite a few times in our marriage, but I've just found out he's been drinking heavily behind my back. I just think it's time now to get out and move on. He's attended his first AA meeting, but if I hadn't caught him out, he wouldn't have gone, and would have continued being a secretive and deceitful.

Our kids are in private school and we would have to pull them out, our house has 2 years left on a 1.98% mortgage with over £9k to pay as a get out.. house prices in our area have gone up so much, that I wouldn't be able to get a mortgage for a decent house on the salary I earn by myself (DH roughly earn the same). It's just all so frustrating.

My heart is telling me to leave and be alone and happy. My head is telling me to stay because of my children (he is very much a 50% dad, if not more) and their happiness and our great life.

I'm away currently with my children and my parents, and have loved having space from him.

WWYD?

How long has the drinking been a problem?
I'm divorcing a drinker but it had been going on for years along with trying to hide drink and gaslighting me . Just wouldn't stop
I think it all depends on the circumstances, if he's willing to work at getting sober etc

Highly recommend leaving someone with an alcohol problem. It took me years to do it, but life on the other side is more wonderful than I ever imagined.

She's been hiding it in his car. If I leave the house, he will have 2/3 drinks and I'll come home and he won't mention it. Or saying he went to the pub for 1, but really it's been 3. I'll smell alcohol and he will say he had one last night so that's probably the smell, but he wld have had a drink an hour before. Gaslighting behaviour. It's been going on around 6 months, and i can really tell in his face and weight gain.

I don't think it really matters how much he's been drinking, the deception is enough of a problem on its own.

Your kids will know, if you stay, that you're 'making the best of it', rather than doing what would truly make you happy. They'll learn that that's how adult relationships work: You put up with stuff you don't like, for the sake of practical advantages. Then they'll replicate it. They will endure unhappy relationships for the sake of 'keeping the house' etc.

If you want to set this example, do. If you want to show them that sometimes you need to make tough decisions to ensure your happiness, do that instead.