Hi, I’m just going to try and explain this whole situation the best I can.
me and my partner have been together 10 years. We are engaged with no wedding plans, two beautiful girls (4yo and 8 months old) and we own a home together.
we’ve gone through some real highs and some real lows. But we are always ok in the end. I have some serious mental health issues which partner isn’t entirely aware of (compulsive lying, depression, anxiety, anger issues) - I sound like a nightmare but I’m very good at keeping a lid on my issues and discussing in therapies that I attend. I work on myself every day and even though it’s a mental struggle, i THINK I’m of a normal state of mind (on the outside) most of the time. He has stuck by me for this long, and he has had his issues too, and I’ve stuck by him. We do love each other I think, but I just don’t think I know what that feels like anymore, so I’m not even sure. Does being in love with someone mean that you’d miss them if they were gone? Or that you put their happiness before your own? Sorry if this sounds weird I just don’t know anymore.
since having our children, we have less and less time for each other. We have very little support from any family or friends.
i care about him, I want good things for him, I feel loyal to him for standing by me through some really dark times. But I don’t think I feel sexually attracted to him anymore. we haven’t had sex for about 6 months, and I could quite easily go without. I’ve breast fed my baby for four of those months and I’ve heard it affects libido, but even kidding my partner at the moment makes me want to turn away. I want to hug him and be held, but I don’t want to be intimate with him at all.
I feel so bad about it, because if this was him feeling this way about me I’d be heart broken.
he works hard, but he does and has never done anything in the house. He gets so angry when I nag, but I feel like I clean and tidy and cook and so chores, that’s all I ever do. Especially as I’m not working at the moment (maternity leave).
he washes a few dishes in the morning but leaves half of them there. He can’t complete a full task without me having to finish it off, so it doesn’t really help.
I don’t want to fall into the generic “wife stays at home and husband works” - because I want more for myself than that.
we have started to bicker every day, and it’s always in front of the children. It’s like he doesn’t care anymore… tells me to shut up. speaks down to me. And I think I do the same to him in retaliation. He can make me so mad.
we don’t tend to have big arguments in front of the children, but the fact that we are even bickering in front of them daily tells me it’ll only take so much time before we are doing that too.
ive always tried to be a good parent. I struggle so much but I try every day, and obsessively want to get it right. Our four year old is wonderful, thriving, kind and funny. Our 8 month old is the same, just a perfect baby.
i don’t know if me and my partner have finally reached the end. I will miss our family unit, because we do have some good times, but I feel I will emotionally ruin our children by arguing in front of them daily. I don’t want them to grow up thinking this is normal. I want more for them.
i met my other half when my dad had left and my mums emotional abuse was as it’s worse.
I feel grateful for him because nobody else stuck around.
I just don’t know anymore.
shall we try counselling?
shall we just bite the bullet and separate?
is it not that bad?
any advice welcome, brutal or otherwise x