Have you ever said something insensitive and thoughtless?

[addicted2luvisland]

Have you ever said something very insensitive and thoughtless to your partner? Or made a joke that landed in this way? Did he or she forgive you? How did you manage to gain forgiveness if at all? I did this today and he looked so hurt, upset disappointed and angry. I feel awful. Interested in your stories (both positive and negative).

Not that I can think of. What did you say? Have you apologised?

Yes. I apologised, said I didn't mean it, asked why it hurt so much, acknowledged his feelings and said I would do better and never repeat the behaviour.

He accepted, we cuddled, we moved on.

Constantly.

Foot
Mouth

What did you say?

Yes. Intentionally. And I’d do it again (I’ve put up with enough shit)

I think you might as well ask us 'are you a human?' @addicted2luvisland . Every one of us has unwittingly hurt people I assume with a thoughtless comment or one that came out the wrong way. Maybe not a partner, but someone.

Remember, it's not a sin to cock up in this way. Do what you can to make it up to the person, forgive yourself, and move on.

I had a terrible row with ex when I was pregnant
I said ‘fuck off and die’
i didn’t mean it , i was in a bad way
it was just words
but he never forgot and bought it up every single row we ever had

but he never forgot and bought it up every single row we ever had

@Thisisworsethananticpated I think that's lame. You apologised and then it should be left in the past, especially as it was clearly an expression of annoyance rather than you genuinely wanting him to die.

This is the very truth.

I was once told "I hope you die of cancer".

Not their finest moment. Never did get an apology.

It isn’t “just words” though.

For me there is a difference between a thoughtless remark. “I never really liked your Mum anyway” or “ You look like Susie Quattro’s fat Grandad”, and words spoken in anger like “Fuck off and die.” to someone whom you’re supposed to love.

“Just Words” is such an abusers charter.

Once a girl I knew was in a really bad place mentally, she'd taken issue with me over absolutely nothing and was repeatedly sending me anonymous messages saying she was going to rape and murder my daughter (who was 7 at the time). I had no idea who they were from and was in absolute bits over it and so worried. Her sister told me it was her, but asked me not to confront her about it because she'd recently attempted suicide. The next time she messaged me I replied saying next time you try to hang yourself do a better job. I'll always regret that, absolutely vile thing to say, and if she had killed herself then I'd be partly to blame.

Thanks guys. It doesn't really matter what I said but it was essentially a joke that landed very badly and inappropriately. I apologised straight away (two or three times) he walked off (I didn't follow) I texted and apologised again and said if he didn't want to see me or speak to me again I totally understand. I sort of feel like I've apologised and I am truly sorry but I can't keep apologising and tormenting myself.

I bet she never messaged you again. I feel you said that because you had been pushed, but I get that you feel awful for saying it. Horrendous though what she was saying and doing.

I'm sure whatever you said doesn't deserve this reaction.

@Dic thanks. It's not for me to say how much something hurts somebody it's all relative to the individual but I have apologised and that is all I can do really. I think I'll give him space today to calm down and if he wants to carry on beyond that then that's up to him. Ive said sorry we need to move on. I've made mistakes in the last and was ina relationship where he would punish me for days and weeks and I was beside myself. I promised myself I would not let that happen again.