If you do that think where you see how long it takes for them to get in touch… (friends, not romantic relationship)

[MarianosOnHisWay]

If you do that thing where you wait to see how long it takes for them to get in touch, what do you then do if they do get in touch after a while?

Friendship was feeling a bit one sided- I was always the one instigating texts to say hi, arranging meet ups. Been friends a long time, since Uni, were each other’s bridesmaids and now both 36 with kids etc, things felt like they were waning. I texted asking about a meet up just over 5 weeks ago, she read and didn’t reply. I decided to wait and not text again until she did. In that time I thought of her often, and every now and then I was so close to texting saying hi how’s things etc but didn’t. It made me feel as though she obviously wasn’t thinking of me.

Yesterday she texted me “So the kids have finally broken up for summer! What are you up to over the summer- I need inspo for what to do with the kids!” I haven’t replied yet. Do I just reply as if all normal? Do I ignore her and not reply? Do I let her know I’m a bit hurt she hasn’t been in touch for so long, and risk looking a bit petty?

Title should say “that THING” not that think!

I have friends that do this, it drives me mad. I sometimes think it's time to accept it's over but then these are the really sweet friends that when you see, you have a great time. I tend to do what you've been doing, I mirror their efforts and they do eventually get in touch. It's annoying but I make other friends too who are more responsive and keep the others lurking in the background!

I wouldn't stop myself texting back something like, you didn't reply to my last message, is everything okay? That way you're not accusing but still bringing it up politely. I always consider the fact that someone might be going through tough times, but usually it's lack of effort, which is annoying, but don't like to appear needy!

Do you have other friends?

We have to accept that some people are like this and we are the only ones getting frustrated, hoping they’ll change when it’s unlikely they will.

if you enjoy her company when you meet up, enjoy it for what it is and invest your time in other friends too.

I often think that I’m going to bloody well not text and see if anyone gets in touch!!

But no one does.
So
Im not at all on anyones radar ever, a shit friend or so insignificant to everyone I know that I can easily fade away.

But ffs, I bloody love my friends and they are very important to me, very carefully gathered and worth the effort so I just can’t do it.

Thats friends.

Family can just fuck the fuck right off. They don’t give a tiny shite about me or mine so I just never bother with any of them.

I think you can be good friends with people without being in touch regularly.

I have a number of friends I only hear from (or them from me) when there's a specific reason rather than just to keep in touch.

If you've "tested" her and she's come good within 5 weeks, I'd say that's success!

I do this.. & then feel really guilty when they do eventually get in touch! Some people being distant/rubbish bug me more than others..Like those who are gushy about our friendship/ open up a lot but then fall off face of the earth for 3 months at a time... or don't contact me directly when they have seen via SM a bereavement I've suffered or the like.. Or suggest a girlie holiday when not been in touch for over a year.. all or nothing! I admit I have more free time than some to maintain relationships but even when I don't I prioritise friendships- many women don't and some people are just rubbish I guess!

I would definitely try to reconnect rather than express annoyance at them not getting in touch, now that she has contacted you, if it's a friendship you really value.
I am re-evaluating a couple of friendships and determined not to be the one to make the first move... wondering how long it'll be, or if they'll even notice the absence of messages from me (both of them I'm normally in touch with a few times a week).

So she's only texted you back when she needs something (entertainment and playdates for her children) but when it was about you two meeting as friends she ignored! I would ignore her, too to be honest unless I literally have no other friends. Shit friends are better than no friends.

reply.
Youve been friends a long time. Is she there for you when you need her / in a crisis?

Sone people are just like this, life gets in the way. I’d overlook it and pick up where you left off.

Sometimes a friends text and life is just too full on at the moment. And before I know it a month has passed!
But usually im the one who keeps everyone together and meeting up. They thank me and always say they love it, and why don't they do it but they always rely on me.
So I'd text your friend back. Even if the friendship is now on a 'lighter' level, it's still nice to have them.

2 weeks but then again his gf had just had their baby so it really depends on the circumstances. But he will message and say it’s been insane here, how have you been- type thing if I’ve not been in touch for a few weeks

It depends on a lot of things
Over the years, I have learned the hard way
So I certainly wouldn't reply soon

It sounds like she is only replying for school hol ideas!

5 weeks is not very long. She hasn't contacted you in 5 weeks and you haven't contacted her either. I wouldn't bother playing games with my friends. If you don't want to reply do not. If you do want to reply do.

I get this with two friends. One, who is unreliable but when we do get together we have a good time so I just accept it is her way. The second one has dumped me now she is dating. Even though I was there for her during a bereavement. Ironically, she keeps in touch with another woman, who I introduced her too. She is toxic and so it is no big loss. I have deleted her number so I don't get tempted to message her.