Thoughts on This?

[IronChef]

Hi all, been OLD for a while since I left my marriage. Usually don't question myself about red flags etc but my current guy is throwing my radar off a bit. Wondered if I could gather some MN thoughts on something that's popped up.

For context I've seen him for about 4-5 dates now, he's ok, seems a decent guy, no glaring red flags so far (a few things which have made me wonder if we are very compatible, but I've dismissed them so far as I'm not looking for anything serious anyway). He's generally thoughtful and kind, makes me laugh, seems to be all good stuff etc, but it's only been a few dates so jury's definitely still out for me on if I want to take things any further either physically or romantically just yet.

He fancies himself as a bit of a chef so has offered to cook for me tonight. A few days ago he'd checked what I might want to eat, and suggested I come round between 6-7. I texted earlier to find out his address, I've been round before but with him giving directions so wasn't exactly sure where to go. He only just replied about 5.45 and said he's out with friends so me getting there 6.30-7 should be good. I'm a bit bemused about this because if I had planned a date and told someone to arrive between '6-7' I'd make sure I was home, getting ready, tidying up and maybe prepping the food or whatever and ready by 6.

I don't know if I'm just being uptight but my initial reaction was an instant lack of enthusiasm and thinking 'well sod off and stay out with your friends then if our plan is not that important'. I will say I'm always quite punctual so if someone says 6-7, my head goes ok got to be there for 6 - which I know isn't necessarily what that means! I was planning to get there for about 6.30 anyway after picking up wine or something. Now I'm wondering if to even bother going at all.

What would you think, is he just treating me as casually as I view him, and rightfully prioritising his friends, or would you think fuck it, red flag if he can't be arsed to be at home for the time he originally suggested and is too last minute suggesting a bit of a later time?

Being out with mates having drinks was not on, but I can invite someone for dinner and either prep before hand or have something already cooking and nip out, so a latish text saying I wouldn't be back til X time isn't a red flag.
Frankly if I had turned up greeted with a drunk in stained clothing I would have just said that he obviously needed to change plans and then I'd leave.

You've obviously never done OLD!

You said "he's okay" and the "jury is still out" after 4-5 dates

That was all I needed to read to know this wasn't going anywhere

You have said you don't want anything serious so I don't see what the problem is. For someone who doesn't want anything serious why are you so worried about tidying up and what he is doing before you come round?

Sorry OP missed the update. Where I still stand by I wouldn't worry about what he was doing prior and all the tidying up because you don't want anything serious anyway, u will say stumbling around drunk etc is not on. I wouldn't even want to be around a friend like that.

I think you’re confusing “not wanting anything serious” with “chucking your standards out the window and putting up with any old shit”.

If you bothered to read my second post you'd see I missed the update. Personally for me I really don't care what people are doing as long as they stick to the plan we had. If my current partner was out with friends before we were meant to meet I really wouldn't care as long as he was able to stick to our plan. The being drunk thing is out of line though as I said.

Looks like your radar is polished and working fine!

Amen

Sounds like you were right then OP xx

I agree with londonlass71 I wouldn't mind what was going on before we met as long as the plan we had was carried out...and of course he was coherent and sober when we did meet. I also don't know that I'd be going to someone's house after 4 or 5 (did you say?) dates. But that's just me.