AAAhhh!!Need to let off steam....

[sven]

I'm going to pop if I don't tell someone about this so here goes my rant ...... my very lovely six month old has an equally lovely 10 month old cousin the trouble is that their grandparents (my MIL and FIL) constantly go on about the cousin and seem to think that my dd is not quite so important. It's obvious (to a normal person)that they aren't going to be doing the same kind of things yet but they are always banging on about how great cousin is and how wonderful it is that she can crawl, whereas as my dd just rolls around etc etc etc etc it's making me mad! I'm sure they don't do it intentionally but it's really starting to grate to the extent that I'd rather not bother seeing them if all they do is go on and on and on about every minute detail of the cousin's daily life. I don't expect them to do the same for my dd I'd rather have normal conversations about normal things not just to here what cousin had for breakfast and how long she slept for....blah blah blah they've become such baby bores but only for one grandchild. Ooooh I feel better now!

How very irritating, sven! It astonishes me how some grandparents get the baby bore bug so badly! Even I've cringed completely on occasion when forced to listen to mil's descriptions of MY boys- in effect she seems to be arguing that they are beautiful, morally perfect geniuses(and obviously they take entirely after her and her side of the family! HUH- I THINK NOT!!!)! Luckily there aren't any cousins as yet but I really think I can imagine your annoyance, sven, as I find it hard too hear such things of my own kids and would, frankly, be fuming if I was expected to listen to such guff about anyone else's, especially in comparison to my own.

The only thing I can say is that my mil (and fil to a slightly lesser extent) really can't help it. Maybe your pils too are just proud as peacocks with five tails at both their grand daughters so go on and on about whichever one doesn't happen to be present? D'you think it's possible that they do the same in reverse to the cousin's parents?

My DS also has a male cousin, who is 3 months older. His cousin was pre-mature and still managed to be physically ahead of DS, he walked earlier (no crawling at all, wasn't allowed to!!) talked earlier, infact at almost 21/2 he speaks in well-formed sentences. DS is still gobbledegooking and needs my translations whenever he does utter sense. We know all this from SIL and MIL, as I rarely see the child. Having said that my son is better looking (I would say that wouldn't I, no, the SIL comments on this) and more polite in public (or lacking in confidence). I take this in my stride and often comment myself how late DS is in certain departments.

Do not let it get to you. You could always agree with them and then add 'of course, I wouldn't expect you to make such comparisons when she is old enough to understand, in a few months basically, as she would want to be loved equally by her grandparents'. Sometimes we are too sensitive to other people's feelings and forget our own.

I wouldn't mind betting that your SIL could have written the same message, Sven. She probably hears more than she wants to about your child, too.

Maybe a few judicious comments to the effect that "A few months makes such a difference doesn't it? I remember when X was the same age as dd and hadn't yet learnt to crawl/drive the car/do calculus" would make them think twice.

Or could your DH say something to them? My mum is a baby bore too, and it is bl8dy annoying at times, especially when my Grubs apparently behave sooooo much better for her than for me!

i t hink its all too common that MIL's nd mums take to a certain siblings children over others. its driven me crazy for 10 years, i have had rows with hubbie about it, i have had rows with sister in laws about it. i have had to put up with my kids not getting tings fr birthdays bcause they are skint , but fav grandchild getting an electric car! my children not being any kind f priority was THE catalyst that made us move 300 miles... the fmily was just too muh to cope with. not that i am suggesting you do this. just that i know it hurts so much it makes your heart break ad you are left to explain why there were no prezzies from grnny and grandpa or left to explai why you just cant bare to visi them this week. i dont know the solution. one things for sure 10 years and i dont think you can just "live with it"

Given half a chance I would divorce my MIL and FIL - such horrid horrid people and they too know how to hurt using the "favouritism card"
No advice - but I know how you feel.

I'm glad there are others who feel the same - it's almost too much to bear to think that there are going to be many more years of it to come - they will be in the same school year as well - I don't even want to think about that. I hope that my dd is super clever and cousin is thick as two short planks and then I can compare SATs results - even though I don't believe in them I might just for these purposes.

What's horrible is that it's very hard not to bear a bit of a grudge against the cousin - it's not her fault after all.

Scrummymummy - Hadn't thought about the pils doing the same but the other way round to my sil(if that makes sense!). It does make things seem a bit better if I think of that.

Is cousin child of your dh's sister? Because i think parents always favour children of their own daughters for some reason. My mil is charming until my sister in law hits town and then she has no time for me or our children. At their house pictures of daughter's children outnumber those of ours by about three to one. She will also helps her out far more.

You could be right there badmamma. My granny used to go on and on about my cousins to my dad (they were the kids of my granny's daughter). Used to drive my dad mad. However, only as adults have we discovered that she also used to boast (a little!) about us to them.

Yes - badmamma - cousin is dh's sister's dd - and the pil are always baby sitting for her and helping her with shopping/housework. They would do it for me and dh but only if we asked - which we don't very often! Can't think why!

I have a sort of 'mirror image' of this situation. My MIL, although not a baby bore, is always very kind about my ds. 'What good taste' I naturally think. She also often lets off steam about my SIL's two (which is unfair, because they're both toddler-ish so obviously much harder work than my 9 month old). Nothing too nasty, but the usual tales of toddler hell.

But staying with SIL recently, I discover that she has kind of 'downplayed' what ds is doing (ie implying that he has not reached certain stages that he has). We (SIL and me) suspect this is to 'shine up' SIL's children. SIL being MIL's daughter, BTW, not her DIL.

SIL and I both think this is kind of funny, because we recognise that it's a granny attempt to be tactful. On the other hand, when mine reaches toddler-dom, and the other two are safely into nice small child mode, I'm not so sure I'll find it funny, cos I know that any bad behaviour is going to end up talked about with SIL.

Sigh. I guess I'll just have to avoid MIL between 18 and 36 months.