How did you feel before your wedding?

[garlicandsapphires]

small wedding planned in a few months times. Minimal fuss, simple, ‘lockdown style’. And I often find myself wondering why we are bothering, that it wouldn’t make a difference if we get married or not, and what really is the point of marriage. No children yet, I am slightly more financially secure than he is. We both own properties and wouldn’t move it together for a while for various reasons. I do have a faith so there’s that side of it but these existential questions are bugging me.
A big factor in going ahead is that we’ve told people and would look foolish if we didn’t follow through!
I feel I should be more excited.

I also had a small wedding, but I looked forward to it. Still married 15 years on; childfree by choice. Being married makes many administrative things much easier.

If you have doubts about getting married, please don't let the idea of others' reactions to you calling it off influence your decision to proceed. Yes, it would cause gossip and be a bit embarrassing, but it would be a 'five minute wonder' and nothing by comparison to being stuck in a marriage you're not happy with, or the process of divorce. You could always tell people you are 'postponing' the wedding for personal reasons.

A more pertinent question is how your fiancé would feel about delaying/cancelling the wedding.

Please don't get married because of what other people would think, or the hassle of cancelling some stuff! I'm sure you can see that would be foolish and would bring about much bigger problems longer term, for you and your fiance.

Running up to my wedding I was excited about it. We didn't have a huge 'do' but it was very personal and lots of elements were home made, with family involved, and we all looked forward to it, without it being the be-all-and-end-all (I was very far away from being bridezilla).

Would answering these questions (to yourself, not us necesarily) help at all:

• Do you love him?


• Do you imagine you will be with him for the rest of your life?


• Can you imagine life without him?


• Are you well suited to living together, and excited at the prospect?


• Do you make each others' lives better?


• Will getting married change things for you in a positive way?


• If he told you today that he was having second thoughts and wasn't sure about getting married, what would your first reaction be?

Ultimately, if you aren't excited then you need to better understand what is happening in your 'gut', and if you aren't sure then be honest with him, and maybe put it off for now. Give yourself time to think it through without pressure or expectation.

It's only fair to both of you to give it proper thought if you aren't certain.

I was paralysed with fear and anxiety in the run up to mine, as I hate "occasions" and any situation in which I'm "the centre of attention" makes my blood run cold. We only had a small wedding, about 20 people, but it was still 18 too many as far as I was concerned!

I did however very much look forward to being married. I was the sole earner so didn't need financial protection. To me it was a sign of commitment to each other and it also formalised my commitment as stepmother to his son (of whom my H had sole custody.)

Not sure I would be keen to marry someone with whom I hadn't lived yet.