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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

2 kids and pregnant and feeling unsupported

15 replies

Mamaofthree1 · 23/07/2022 07:17

Hey all, long story short me and DH have been together for nearly 10 years we have a 5 and 1 Yr old with another on the way (4 months pregnant)
Honestly I'm so exhausted all of the time I've found this pregnancy harder than any before. I feel quite unsupported and like DH is quite insensitive. He says I complain all the time and I need to be stronger, he even mentioned last week that most people would not even put up with me for how much I winghe. I do a little but I think I do it more because I know I get hardlies no emotional support, no support with housework because he works full time. I'm overrun with housework the house is a mess since I fell pregnant because of how ill I've been.
Sick of being ignored by DH all the time he seems to spend loads of time on his phone and all he's interested in is going to gym. I feel like there's hardlies any communication between us and he isn't really interested in this baby. Never asks how I'm feeling or does anything that would make me feel better like a massage. He asks me to do everything, make drinks, go get things for him. I'm the one who is responsible for making dinners even when I'm ill. Sometimes he even leaves and goes to gym when I'm really poorly and doesn't even bother to ask whether I would need him to stay.
We had an argument last night because we were all supposed to go out for a meal as a family and my baby boy was very upset so I couldn't get ready until DH came home, and he made a huge fuss about me doing my hair quick before going out saying its not like we're gong to a wedding just put some clothes on quick let's go, and just being negative and rude and put me in a mood where I ended up not wanting to go out anymore. I said to him that he's being horrible recently and he was saying that's not even horrible and he can be a lot worse if he wanted to?! So I was like wtf why would you want to be more horrible to your pregnant wife? Like I didnt even do anything wrong just took my hair out of a greasy bun sprayed some dry shampoo and straightened it.
I ended up shouting at him saying why the fuck would you want to be horrible like as If I even deserve that?!
I ended up not speaking to him after that I took our DD out to see family instead and came home quite late and went to bed, he slept on the sofa.
I'm just fed up now I feel like there's no respect. Last week his friend stayed with us and DH was so rude to me in front of his friend all of the time. Constantly ignoring everything I was saying, showed no interest in how I was doing, had me running around after them both. I just feel like I'm being taken advantage of and get little to no respect and just basic kindness from him.

OP posts:
Mamaofthree1 · 23/07/2022 07:22

Last night he also mentioned how When I was pregnant with our girl last time I was the same as how I am now? And apparently we nearly split up and that I should be careful how I behave as if he is threatening we might break up or something? He thinks because I'm pregnant with a girl again I'm more emotional? I mean I think it is because he didn't want another girl he wanted another boy so he feels nothing towards this baby, I could be wrong but he doesn't show any affection towards me or my pregnancy. This is obviously going to make me unhappy. Just don't know what to do, am I being unreasonable

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 23/07/2022 09:16

Sounds like he values men above women (boy babies above girl babies).

This might be the root of your problems.

Funkykitty · 23/07/2022 09:48

Stop doing things for him and his friends. Don’t. do his cooking and washing. I’d tell him if he wants to go then go hes no addition to you anyway. You would be better off as a single parent. Are you financially independant?

Holidayworries · 23/07/2022 10:08

It depends on the specifics really. What kind of things are you complaining about? I get fed up of being whinged at - I have friends who like to vent and it is draining.

How long did you take to get ready? I can see how that might be frustrating if you're running late.

Mamaofthree1 · 23/07/2022 10:16

I think that could be one of the issues, I feel like he values men over women anyways but that could be a cultural thing

OP posts:
EarthSight · 23/07/2022 14:55

I need to be stronger, he even mentioned last week that most people would not even put up with me for how much I winghe

Let me put his comments through a translator -

'You need to stop placing demands on my time, because I just don't want to spare any empathy or sympathy for you. You're a woman. Women have been giving birth and being pregnant forever, so why are you complaining? It doesn't matter that I'll never have to go through this myself - what matters is that you shut up and accept your womanly lot in life. You're job is to care for and be sympathetic towards me, not the other way around'.

Note also the 'whinge' bit. Does he also call you a 'nag' by any chance? H sounds like a dickhead.

EarthSight · 23/07/2022 14:55

Your job*

EarthSight · 23/07/2022 14:59

that I should be careful how I behave as if he is threatening we might break up or something

Well that's you told then, isn't it? Don't complain about this life changing thing that comes with serious health risks, that's uncomfortable (but that enables me to have children).....or I'll leave you.

Wanker. He sounds like a sexist, unpleasant man who is not showing the respect and care for you that that he should.

LampLighter414 · 23/07/2022 17:01

Whose decision was it to have a 3rd child?

If you knew he was like this why agree to more kids?

Mamaofthree1 · 23/07/2022 20:24

He has gotten worse since this pregnancy things seemed to be going very smoothly before and this pregnancy was also unexpected. The children are very well looked after and we don't talk about any of these issues or argue in front of the kids.

OP posts:
bluegardenflowers · 23/07/2022 20:29

He does sound as though he is from a culture where men work and supply money for the family, values boys over girls and doesn't feel the need to support you with help in the home and childcare. Men like this rarely change, no matter what their cultural background is. It doesn't sound as though you would be supported to leave him via family?

Either way make sure you don't have more children with him as the sooner they are older the sooner you can get a job and independence from him.

Catlover1970 · 23/07/2022 23:14

Sorry why did you decide to have another baby with his man?

QueenCamilla · 24/07/2022 03:21

I'm sorry,but clear as day the relationship is over.
There is no way back from this level of seething disrespect.

lottie222 · 24/07/2022 07:32

Sorry op but why decide to have another baby with this man... he sounds utterly awful

Wouldloveanother · 24/07/2022 08:03

lottie222 · 24/07/2022 07:32

Sorry op but why decide to have another baby with this man... he sounds utterly awful

This to be honest.

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