Is anyone else hearing the tick of their biological clock?

[Blessedbethefruitcakes]

I'm 33 and would like to have kids in the future but just haven't met anyone. I had quite a hard time losing both of my parents before my early twenties and suffering from depression. I've been having counselling which is definitely helping, but I found the covid lockdowns really hard, both due to my depression and living alone. It definitely made my mental health worse than it was before and I really struggled. It wasn't exactly the ideal time to meet someone either!

I'd love to meet someone, but I sometimes feel like I wouldn't be able to to trust someone enough to have kids. How could I trust that they'd stick around? Or be a decent parent? I don't know how much this is my commitment/abandonment issues talking (as a result of losing my parents) and how much I'm just cynical!

I have friends and family who have been with their partners/husbands for years before ttc and I'm just really worried that I don't have enough time left to meet someone and really get to know them properly before having kids. Financially and career wise I am in a good position to have kids, although I wouldn't want to go it alone.

Is anyone else feeling the same? I'm starting to notice that as more of my friends couple up I am spending more time alone, particularly at the weekends. I don't feel great at all about my body which doesn't help in having the confidence to put myself out there. I'm trying to lose weight so I am healthier and more confident but it's a work in progress. I work in a female dominated job where I work unsociable hours and am fairly introverted. When I meet up with my friends it tends to be just me and them-I don't often get invited to anything where there is a wider group of people but when I do then I always go. I've tried online dating and really hated it. I've recently joined some groups but there is virtually no one male and my age, let alone single!

I also feel that the older I get the more there is judgement about me being single, that I've almost done something wrong by not finding someone. I wonder whether I should give up on finding someone I like and just settle for any idiot that will have me so I don't miss the boat on kids. I know plenty of people who have needed fertility treatment to have kids and that keeps playing on my mind too.Does anyone else feel the same?

I keep trying to increase the amount of people I'm meeting, but everything I go to I have to go to alone. I hate (and am rubbish at) sports so can't meet anyone through running or cycling groups, which I've heard can be a good option. I was a member of a gym for years (but am not at the moment) and didn't even manage to make any friends through that let alone meet anyone. I might try a new gym and see if it is any better than my old one.

If you've met someone in your 30s where have you found them? I'm willing to join more groups and put myself out there more but am feeling really hopeless at the moment and don't know what to do for the best.

Rambling club. Nice walk and opportunity to chat. That is my best idea. Some cities have a 20s and 30s group rather than the pensioners one.

I was 36 when I met my partner in the pub.First baby at 37, then second at 40 and third at 42.

@Ukholidaysaregreat Thank you for the suggestion. 😊I'll have a look if there is anything local to me. I live in an area with lots of OAPs so fingers crossed they'll be a rambling group which includes some people my age!😂

@Pickledlemo Thank you for posting, it makes me feel better that there is still hope. Do you have a group of friends you go to the pub with? I don't and I feel so nervous about just turning up at a pub and trying to speak to people!

Climbing is very social and more men then women.

I know I may be lucky and this may be unusual but I met my partner on Tinder at 33. Bit of an unusual story where we chatted and became friends but weren't quite ready for a proper relationship although we both really liked each other. Waited a year and then got together, moved in together after being official for about 2 weeks and 2 years later we are 7 months pregnant with our first baby.

I felt like you do, I was very self conscious and wanted to lose weight and I knew that I wanted kids one day and felt like my time was running out but it really wasn't. I felt at times like I would be alone forever but I do believe everything happens for a reason and the men I'd met before just weren't the right ones for me. I've never been happier than I am now and I know I'm with the love of my life.

I know its not easy but there is someone out there for everyone and you could literally meet him in the supermarket. Stay positive and open to ideas and you will meet your Mr Right 🥰

If you don't want to go it alone have you thought about a fertility MOT and/or freezing some eggs?

Might take some pressure off, then once you're healthier/more confident and finished your counselling you might be in a better position to meet the right person

Sounds like you've been through a lot so last thing you need is to put too much pressure on yourself

It would make sense to try and kill 2 birds with one stone, join a club that includes exercise/the gym to meet people and tone up.

@bmachine @WomanHere You are both right, I probably should join another gym, or rambling or climbing etc to meet someone. I might try a different gym to last time and see if it's friendlier. It's just such a pain as I don't really enjoy anything sporty/outdoorsy (which is part of the reason I'm overweight in the first place! 😂)but very few men my age seem to have the same interests as me. I'd be happy to just go to a yoga class or swimming but I know my chances of meeting anyone there are so low! I'm a member of a political party so I'm going to try one of the local meetings of that. I suppose it's just trying a few things and that should increase my chances to meeting someone. The last class I joined I'm the youngest by about 20 years so I suppose I need to try something different!

@redlip I thought about having a fertility MOT a few years ago but didn't pursue it so will take that further. It wouldn't hurt to know where I stand. I did look into egg freezing as well and I'm sure I read that often there are issues with thawing the eggs out when you want to use them. I suppose things might have moved on since then though.

Thank you for all of your messages. 😊I think ultimately I just wonder if it's all worth it or not. I keep wondering whether people just couple up because everyone else is so they have no friends left to meet up with! I'm not sure I'd even been that bothered about meeting someone if it weren't for wanting to have kids.

Is it possible for you to relocate?

Sometimes these things are about demographics. If you're living somewhere where there is a decent percentage of 30 somethings, you will have severe trouble meeting single 30 somethings. Rural and small cities can be bad demographically.

And yes, you need to think about what men your age might be attending.

• isn't

Social dancing. My Nan told me that learning to dance is a great way to meet new people and have some physical connection. Met my DH at a jive social. Plus, it’s great fun and you get to dress up.

I’ve never understood why people say the gym is a good place to meet someone. I’ve never chatted to anyone in gym and I also feel totally self-conscious when I’m there. 😄 Gym classes, apart from things like circuits are usually mostly ladies. I’d just try and few things and hopefully you might surprise yourself and find something you enjoy. A lot of places will give free taster sessions. I joined a bootcamp which has people of diff levels of fitness in it, is pretty sociable and can be a laugh (although it can be bloody hard but does get you fit and you feel great afterwards!), and a few people from there have coupled up. There might also be beginners running sessions/couch to 5km groups. There is also an app called ‘Meet up’ I think which has activity groups for people trying to meet others (not dating). I’d say you are still pretty young so it’s a shame you are so worried. I also bet people aren’t judging you for being single. I found myself single at 40 and felt the same, but you realise that there are plenty people around you who are in relationships and who are miserable, so it’s better to be on your own than stuck in that situation. You’ll meet someone but in the meantime try and find things to do that you enjoy and make you happy. 🙂