My sex drive has disappeared. Please help.

[MsFrog]

Since I had my second baby, my sex drive has completely disappeared. I posted a thread 3 months postpartum (a bit soon, I know) and got lots of encouragement to give it time, early days etc.

Baby is 18 months now. My sex drive is still nowhere to be seen. We've had sex maybe 4 times this year. My husband is being extremely supportive about it, but it's really starting to cause a strain.

Has this happened to anyone else? Did your sex drive come back? What did you do to get it back? What happened if it never came back? I'm starting to worry about my marriage.

Are you breastfeeding? If you are, I think elevated levels of prolactin can negatively affect your sex drive.

Just wanted to say hi and I'm in the same boat. Our second child is 15 months old and I still have zilcho interest in sex whatsoever. To the point that right now I'd happily never have it again. I think DH is starting to feel a bit rejected by this but it's not him at all, I just have no interest or desire with it. I stopped breastfeeding 2 days ago so will see if a libido comes back in time but wanted to let you know you're not alone x

@mummabubs How tired are at the moment, and what are your sleeping patterns like? How do you feel when you start having sex? Do you still respond well once you get going? Is it just that urge to have sex in the first place that's missing or is it more than that?

Thank you for the replies. No, I'm not breastfeeding. I hope to comes back for you @mummabubs now that you've stopped.

In terms of tiredness - I'm exhausted. Neither child sleeps that well, so I never sleep a night through. My youngest is usually restless from 4am as well, so that doesn't help.

When I get going, sometimes I enjoy it. Sometimes it feels like something being done to me that I have to endure/put on a performance. Which is an awful thing to say, and my husband would be devastated of he knew. I think I'll stop doing that, actually, as last night he said he felt like I wasn't into it and it felt "rapey and awful" so he wanted to stop.

Have you had your thyroid levels checked recently? Extreme tiredness and loss of sex drive are classic hypothyroid symptoms... I was diagnosed after my 2nd pregnancy.

No, I haven't thought to say anything to the GP! What happened for you, @amyboo , did you have those symptoms? Did you get treatment, did it resolve?

I actually got diagnosed during early days of pregnancy #3, after losing pregnancy #2 very late on (36 weeks) - probably due to undiagnosed hypothyroidism during pregnancy. Once you take replacement synthetic thyroid hormone the problem sorts itself (mostly). But main symptoms are tiredness, weight gain, dry/brittle hair and nails, low libido... Many of these can be attributed to other things as well, so it's easy to shrug and say nothing's wrong.

In your case, it could be any number of things, including vitamin/mineral deficiencies or thyroid. So I would definitely talk to your Gp and see if you can get some blood tests done. I know that's not always easy in the UK (I live in Belgium, where you can pretty much demand a blood test), but I think you should insist.

Thank you for your advice, will follow up with the GP. Really sorry to hear about the loss of your baby xx

What contraception are you on? Anything hormonal like the pill or the mirena kills my libido stone dead. Dh getting the snip and then me coming off all contraception did wonders for our sex life.

Thanks. Hope things work out for you

This, the pill (cerezette in particular) killed my sex drive stone dead, came off it and it came straight back!

My libido has plummeted too, I breastfed for only a couple of months though so I don't think it's that.... I'm almost 8 months post partum, I'm not sure if it's the start of the peri menopause? I'm 40. I've had regular periods since the birth....I have an appointment with my GP in August as I'd like to try and get some blood tests done.

Had the implant 3 months ago, which has massively improved my mood swings since having DS2. But no difference in terms of sex drive before/after having it. Sometimes I think I just need to "push through" and if I have it more, I'll enjoy it more. Use it or lose it kind of thing

I'm only 36, think that's probably too early for peri menopause? Hope you get some answers @anthurium

This won't be a very popular opinion, but I am in favour of 'fake it 'til you make it'. I'd hate to have sex with a man who clearly wasn't into it, so I can see why your husband wasn't happy with that - but could you act the part once a week, or even once a fortnight? The thing is: marriages can easily fall apart once the sex goes. So it might be worth just doing it - unless, of course, your husband has done something specific that has turned you off (I didn't have sex with my husband for a very long time, but that was symptomatic of a very bad marriage). I thought I had no sex drive at all, but it suddenly came back with a vengeance when I met someone I fancied, who was not my husband. So if everything else is ok with your marriage, there's something to be said for feigning enthusiasm at regular intervals if it keeps the relationship as a whole ticking over.

Some antidepressants can kil your libido

kill