Is this fizzling out or is it just the end of the honeymoon phase?

[redlip]

Looking for a bit of advice......

Married young which ended in divorce. Been single but dated quite a lot in last 5 years. Although I've dated I don't have much 'relationship' experience outside my marriage. I did date someone for around 8-9 months but was never that serious.

Anyway, now met a really great guy. Been together coming up to 6 months which I know isn't that long but I really like him and I've definitely fallen for him.

I can't put my finger on what it is but something has felt slightly different between us in the last couple of weeks. I don't get the impression he's as "excited" to see me as before; he's still keen to spend time together but it feels more like routine now than something he's excited about or looking forward to. The compliments have died down (but not stopped) and he just seems either 1) less interested or 2) more relaxed

How do I know which it is? Obviously I could ask but don't want to come across too needy.

Previously when we were leaving each other we'd arrange when we'd next see each other and have something planned to look forward to. Whereas as now it's just left open

I'm struggling to even put into words what I mean as there's no real tangible examples, it's more a feeling than anything. I'd describe it as me being left a bit 'flat' but I don't know if that's because the initial excitement has died down and this is normal?

I know how you feel, especially when you say it feels a bit "flat". It sounds like your relationship is settling into a routine, and rather than make plans at the end of your date/time together, it's just implied that you will of course see each other again soon.

Also he may have external factors that are causing him to seem a bit off, like being preoccupied with work.

I think I'd raise it by asking if he was okay or if work/something was stressing him out as he seems a bit preoccupied at the moment.

Thanks @Penguinwaddler that's a good suggestion. I'll maybe do that next time I see him in person.

I couldn't even say for certain if he's acting different/has something on his mind or if it's all in my head and it's me that's feeling like this...

It's almost like the initial buzz has gone - think that's natural but I'm worried it's my sub-conscious picking up on something

I think you’ve been clearer describing it than you think. No one can say what he’s feeling but if you’re unsure and don’t want to bring it up you could let him come to you a bit more, get him to suggest plans, and you’ll see if he’s still as enthusiastic.

If you're worrying about how you'll 'come across', and don't feel you can be your real self around him, you're not that close anyway.

It doesn't matter whether it's 'normal' or if it's 'just you'. Essentially, you're worried about how he's feeling, and you can't ask him. What would happen if you revealed your concerns to him? Do you not discuss your feelings for each other?

I think it's my issue than I've got a history of being insecure/needy. Although I should add that was in my marriage and it turned out I felt that way for a good reason!!

I'm sure if I brought it up he'd reassure me but I also feel if I bring it up that it doesn't count as he's just telling me what I want to hear (this isn't specific to this guy, it's my thought process in general!)

The one area I'd say we're bit fully compatible is talking about our feelings. He does tell me how he feels but not in the in-depth (and constant!!) way I'd like. He is very affectionate and gives me compliments so I don't know if it's my own insecurities at play

But why does it matter if it's 'just your insecurities at play'? You're uncomfortable. You had a bad relationship experience, and now you need to be with someone who makes their feelings plain to you. How will you ever be happy if you can't tell your partner that? How is hiding yourself going to make you feel better?

Very true! I guess I don't like being vulnerable but for this to work I need to just jump in and be more open

In a compatible relationship, you'd be comfortable opening up. You wouldn't be worrying about how you came across. That just suggests that you've not been comfortable enough with him to be yourself.

@Watchkeys I agree I need to open up more and let myself be vulnerable.

I don't think that means we're incompatible though?

If you're not being yourself, something is stopping you. It may be incompatibility. You can only find out one way. Good luck!

I guess I need to be myself and see if we're compatible?! I'm pretty sure I've not been open about my insectivore due to my own issues rather than him personally.

Quite possibly both. They're not mutually exclusive. 'Him personally' is currently triggering your insectivore insecurity.

I had this yesterday. Me and my gf have been together about the same time and it’s settling down a bit. I changed my mind about coming over last night cos I just wanted a night in by myself. No other reason. She got a bit arsey, we spoke about it and she admitted she felt a bit worried about me getting a bit bored. Told her I’m still just as into her and all sorted.

tldr: talk to him openly about it and sort it out!

That sounds exactly like our situation! He was too tired to come over one night last week and I was upset as I'm used to the excitement and us wanting to see each other at every opportunity. I guess this is more real life now!

@redlip curious about how things are now 1 year on? I'm getting to the same place with my bf, we talk about it but also coming out of a difficult divorce we tend to overthink, I guess..