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Original poster

Mid thirties single mum, will I ever find a happy ending?

31 replies

cryingsle · 22/07/2022 16:42

I was left in pregnancy and never heard from ex again. I struggle massively with not having that family environment. I feel lonely, can’t imagine meeting anyone. I’ve dabbled with online dating but just feel like it’s hopeless.

I don’t know what to do. Life feels horrendously bleak.

OP posts:
spinachmonster · 15/12/2022 14:55

Really sorry to hear this, it's so tough when things out of your control mean life doesn't go the way you hoped.

My lovely friend was a single mum of 2 when her 2nd was born. Fast forward 5 years, she's now married to a really lovely man and their kids all get on so beautifully together!

Can you build your own family of friends?? "Friends are the family we choose"
And all that.

Something good could be just round the corner.

Ragwort · 15/12/2022 16:10

The grass is always greener ... for every unhappy single woman there is an unhappy woman trapped in a miserable relationship.... you only have to read half the threads on here. Sad . I think that's why the advice is to try to embrace your single status rather than assuming that meeting a partner results in instant happiness.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 15/12/2022 17:57

TheSnootiestFox · 14/12/2022 18:07

Well, I don't wish to alarm you but I'm 50 today and my happy ending just hasn't happened. I'm giving up gracefully as of today, really don't want to but there's just noone out there 🙁

Happy Birthday 🐺(it's supposed to be a fox but looks a bit like a wolf sorry!)

It rather depends on if a "happy ending" is solely based on having a man. And who decides when and what the end is? Society, friends, family, or us, ourselves?

I ended my relationship 14 months ago. I'd been with him since university and at 41 I'd had enough of moans and gripes for 20+ years. My happy ending (for now) is my own house to do as I please in, my animals, friends, work, social life and projects. Mini breaks. Me.

HairyMedia · 15/12/2022 19:57

Thisisworsethananticpated · 15/12/2022 06:48

I’d say you are far more
likely to have a happy ending if you work on your self happiness first
I know this sounds like trite BS but bear with me

developing and investing into YOU first is more likely to yield results as you will be happier and more secure in yourself
ergo more likely to attract the right person

so friendships , family , home , work , fitness and your own mental health
your own hobbies

I’ve met someone and he does enhance my life
BUT my life is now much better anyway

sorry I know it’s probably annoying to read
but it’s true !

Love this and so true!

HappyBunnyNow · 07/01/2023 19:09

Agree with Watchkeys, it's a hard message when you've been treated unfairly and hugely let down but if you're very unhappy with your lot imagine how you'll come across to a potential new partner vs someone who has as much as possible taken responsibility for their own happiness and is less needy? New partners may be scared off if they feel that someone they're interested in is not able to row their own boat emotionally at least some of the time. I struggle too don't get me wrong but am trying to do what I can to build a good support network which does take time. The other plus of focusing on what you can control is that it keeps you busy doing constructive things that will benefit you and your kid and is more empowering than waiting for a new relationship. Try to keep an open mind, I think you'll meet the right person in time but this kind of approach will strengthen your position and get you there faster.
Sending hugs.

Pinko1 · 07/01/2023 21:51

Alaldlccmemsjzja · 15/12/2022 12:28

Sorry to hear that. I hope you can find some peace. Sometimes men leaving can be better because they cause so much damage when they stay. But I understand it’s such a shit situation and having experienced very similar, I truly sorry.

youll read loads of crap about “loving yourself” “stop looking and it’ll come” “my aunt fell in love when she was 87” “have you thought about taking up pottery”
a lot of it is good advice but can be very shaming when you’re feeling like there’s no one out there for you. I truly relate. I’m sure some smug person will happily tell you that you need is self acceptance and blah blah blah it’s actually quite victim blaming at times “if you love yourself you’ll meet someone” “ok I haven’t met someone” “well you needing someone means you don’t love yourself enough”
we’re human and we are allowed to want a partner in crime.

sometimes some people just dealt really shit hands and it sucks. I hope you do find some peace and a happy ending.

@Alaldlccmemsjzja This, with bells on. Drives me a bit nuts when people say work on yourself or my aunt met someone at 70. I'm pretty much sorted in the rest of my life, am a good parent, great set of friends and family, solvent to the max, I even get on reasonably well with my ex. But I would like a partner and it hasn't happened. I see more and more men of my age (mid 40s upwards) looking for casual. What about those of us who want serious but don't want another dad for their children?

Also, I have friends who have serious issues with relationships and truthfully no man would be able to take on that drams, yet they then tell me that we are all in the same boat. NO! I'm certainly not nuts or into drama yet still single. It's really difficult out there.

Rant over.

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