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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I be honest?

5 replies

whythefuckisthishappening · 22/07/2022 14:19

My best friend is a man. We are obviously very close. I have in the past had feelings for him and told him this to which he replied he didn’t feel the same. We stayed friends and it was fine as it helped me to put it to bed etc. If anything we are closer as I knew where I stood and could appreciate the friendship for what it was. My feelings went away.

Recently he said he used to think he liked me but realised it was because other people kept talking to him about it. Our friends often comment on how close we are etc. He asked me if I would have committed to things with him if he’d said he felt the same and I said no. We were a bit drunk and I didn’t ask him about when he had these feelings and we haven’t talked about it since - not a big deal.

The issue is that he’s now started dating. He was in a relationship when we met and then that ended and he was single for a long time. To my surprise it’s not nice - I find it really hard knowing he’s going on dates and he likes people etc.

I feel I should take a step back. Is it worth explaining why to him or just gradually pulling away? He will definitely notice.

OP posts:
NotTodaySatan654 · 22/07/2022 14:22

Hmm I probably wouldn't tell him no. I'd just distance myself. He might guess why but I wouldn't spell it out. I'd probably want to say but would stop myself.

TabithaTittlemouse · 22/07/2022 14:22

I don’t think it would be fair to be completely honest. It would sound like jealousy (it is).

Have you been in relationship while friends with him? How did those relationships impact your friendship?

Ilovechoc12 · 22/07/2022 14:24

I personally think he is using you - your his safety net.

could be wrong but that’s my view .

I don’t think you two are supposed to be “together” but happy enough if plodding along …..

whythefuckisthishappening · 22/07/2022 14:25

TabithaTittlemouse · 22/07/2022 14:22

I don’t think it would be fair to be completely honest. It would sound like jealousy (it is).

Have you been in relationship while friends with him? How did those relationships impact your friendship?

Yeah I think I just wouldn’t want him to think I was just being a dick or shutting him out for no reason. I think I just need for us to not be this level of talking every day, everyone knows us as a pair, do loads of things together friends while he’s starting to date.

OP posts:
whythefuckisthishappening · 22/07/2022 14:26

Oh and no I have been single the whole time - other than some casual dates which were totally fine which is why I’m surprised this has bothered me. I really just want him to be happy and meet someone he loves, but I’m not sure I can be so up close to it.

OP posts:
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