If your ex is an absent parent, can I ask…

[Fyesg]

What was he like? I ask because mine was/is professional, high earner, no other kids… basically nobody you’d typically expect to do that because he had no job, money or other issues or complications involved.

Mine never saw DC, it’s been 7 years, I left it open to him, he knows he could contact me. He’s 49 now and I wonder if he will hit 50 and suddenly realise what he’s missed. Maybe not.

Anyone?

Mine was a lazy,workshy cocklodger who I think had narcissistic traits
he ended up on hard drugs and that’s what killed him when my eldest was about 19
paid nothing,didn’t seem to give a toss (claimed they where his brothers kids for some reason)and never paid a penny towards them

his loss

A useless oxygen thief who couldn't keep up with court requirements so buggered off. best thing he ever did for anyone.

He worked FT, generally a sensible person. But was crap in a family. Too aggressive and didn't muck in.
He's always paid maintenance over the 13yrs and zero contact. I'm hugely relieved he hasn't tried to get in touch and rock the boat.

I’ve found it genuinely astonishing, I don’t think I will ever get my head around it!

Why would having no job mean you can’t be involved? My ex was an involved father until he had a mental break down and cut all contact, he hasn’t seen them in years now.

My DS ‘father’ works full time, high level position for a multinational company. He has never met my son. He has two other children (that I am aware of) he doesn’t see them either. He is 42 now.

Mine has only been gone a year,he had stay being distant months before that, pretending he was working he was cheating on me. He worked/works full time,he was super attentive when the kids were babies,but that waned,I did most of everything in every way, looking back he was crap & still is,I've no doubt he loves the boys but he wants to do what he wants,we have court in September for access& maintenance,but he never asks about them,it's our sons birthday next week he's 2 no contact as of yet though he doesn't know the date,he wasn't here for his 1st birthday either,our older son is starting school & nothing about that either,so he's just crap really but I'll make sure that the boys are ok & have everything they need while he's living life with OW,they had a baby about 6 months ago & she was flaming him on Facebook last weekend so seems he's still playing up,but not my problem now

Military, well respected.

Also a rapist, woman beater, alcoholic.

Haven’t seen him since little one was 9 months. She’s about to turn 8!

Self employed but thought he was better than everyone else. He didnt see his DC as his responsibility. He had 3 DC. He stopped seeing them all when he left us and never paid a penny.

He had the nerve to moan to me that his other 2 DC hadn't visited him in hospital!

Mine seemed like a very caring, family oriented man. He was hands on with our first baby. He did 50% around the house. He was thoughtful and kind and used to cook beautiful food ready for me when I'd had a hard day at work, book surprise holidays for my birthdays. He had a good career which would have taken off even more if he hadn't trashed everything.

He left when my children were still both babies. He had been living a double life with multiple affairs and running up many tens of thousands of pounds of gambling debt. He still blamed me though, until thr truth eventually surfaced. As it does.

I did everything possible to co-parent with him for the children's sake. He now can't see the children at all because of his own behaviour - SS decision, not mine.

He has trashed his life and his career as well as his children. He is broke and lives in a shared house now. Thankfully I managed to divorce him before he ruined me financially as well.

You can never tell. Nobody suspected this, not his friends and family or mine.

Mine earned 65k when he decided to romance his PhD student whilst I was looking after our children at home. Once out of the family hone, he decided he'd had enough of working FT, essentially took early retirement and lived off the pension I had supported him in amassing. Stopped having kids over to sleep (only ever the once weekly) and saw them once a week for dinner on a Sat night. No parenting at all. Utter disgrace. Topped only by giving his daughter just £20 for her 21st birthday, pleading poverty whilst taking his new girlfriend out for meals and holidays. So despicable have I found his utter disengagement in parenting since he left, i have zero respect for him. Yes, it's been hard as a single parent whilst working FT to support the children but I would never have shirked my responsibilities as a parent as he has so casually done. When together he did some things until they became old enough to have a mind of their own. He chose not to change to accommodate that. Utter disgrace as a father.

Senior management, business man, 50s, no money worries.

A complete sweetie until I had our son. Then he morphed into 1950s man, and then tried to starve us back when we finally left.

Now 12 years later, he sees ds for 7 hours a week, and leave all care/decisions to me, which I've learned to prefer.

We were young when I got pregnant, was not an ideal time. But he was from a “decent” family, his mother did a lot of voluntary work supporting young/single mothers and his dad was pretty well known and respected in our (small town) area. He decided he didn’t want to be a father at 20, and his parents supported him. DC is now 15 and ex has never met him. At first I kept the door open and once a year or so would send a message, all ignored. DC struggles with the situation and I think it’s the underlying cause of some issues we’ve had with behaviour but for the most part we just make the best of it. I have no doubt we are better off without him but even after all this time it blows my mind that anyone could be so cold.

He was 16, still in college as a full time student all while managing his own business. His parents have been in DCs life, but he never has and has no interest in doing so. I never felt much towards him, but we were stupidly young. I still see him around, and he'd come running back if he needs something from me, but he'll never be interested in being involved with his son. Nor does he ever ask about him. I've never made him pay child maintenance either.

My ex was an absolute cocklodger

After we split he moved from one girlfriend to the next and barely saw the kids

He then started seeing a young girlfriend who encouraged him to see the kids, she was around for a few years and ds and ex got closer because of her, but then when they finished he dropped ds again

Ex is now married to a lovely woman who has daily contact with both the kids and they're both really fond of her. They are in their late teens now and have very little time for their dad. It's sad, and I wish he could have shown that he loved them more when they were younger.