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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Struggling to cope and unsure what I'm feeling

3 replies

sn21 · 22/07/2022 09:35

I broke up with my on/off abusive ex back in January. I met someone shortly after (wasn't planned he just came into my life) fast forward 6 months our relationship is going really well we've had very little problems but now my ex has found out due to being told by my partners nephew (all out of spite) me and my partner are just keeping things on the down low for now as nephew has now decided to take my exs side and told his uncle to swear he won't talk to me ever again. Yesterday I had my ex telling me he thinks I'm disgusting to ever entertain the idea of having this guy around our children (he's never met them and wouldn't have planned to anytime soon) keeps trying to put me off him by telling me things about him however I feel my partner has been very open and honest with me about things you wouldn't just tell someone you barely know. He kept asking and asking if we're still talking and I just told him no and he asked me to prove it so I just showed him a glimpse of a message where my partner had read it and appears he hasn't replied (we've been talking on text instead of socials) and now my ex is going off on one again saying all these horrible things said that he's a scumbag because he swore of his nieces and nephews he weren't gonna talk to me again and I just played it off as I just messaged him as normal as we haven't spoken properly since last weekend when everything blew up.
My problem now is that I feel I'm running out of things to say to ex and he's never gonna leave me alone and said regardless of who I'm with he's gonna keep ruining my relationships until the kids are 18 I can do what I like. I haven't seen my partner in over a month and normally see him most weekends and it's really a struggle for me. We've been checking in on text and calls most days and I have no doubt that anything is wrong relationship wise he's quite reassuring but it's breaking my heart not seeing him and not knowing when all the dust will settle so that I can see him again. Ex has said he knows where my partner lives and said that because of that message he knows we're still talking but I played it off as I was aired and has said he's gonna cause problems for both of us if he finds out we are still together.
I've just been feeling so low since this happened and normally I feel myself around my partner. It's been hard getting over the abuse but he's very supportive and my weekends I don't have the kids and I spend with him was helping me find myself again but now I just feel lost and can't help but feel my partner is playing games with me (even though nothing has changed apart from actually seeing each other) but can't help but think about what my ex has said although he's known him as long as I have the only way he'd know these things about my partner is through his nephew said he's seen messages to prove what he's saying. I know I shouldn't believe him because i know he's just being a narcissistic prick but I keep overthinking things and I just don't know what I'm feeling. I thought I was over him being inside my head but now he's involved my partners nephew it's made everything awkward and I just don't know what to make of it all. I'm sick of constantly feeling down about this, I don't even know the point of this post I just don't have anyone to talk to about what I'm going through as I just can't trust anyone at the minute

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 22/07/2022 09:45

Who you are with is no business of your ex or your partners nephew. Your partner needs to tell his nephew to keep out of it and you need to stop contact with your ex for anything other than child contact. Both of you set your boundaries out clearly and maintain them strongly. Otherwise you’ll always be bending to what other people want for you.

sn21 · 22/07/2022 09:53

Jellycatspyjamas · 22/07/2022 09:45

Who you are with is no business of your ex or your partners nephew. Your partner needs to tell his nephew to keep out of it and you need to stop contact with your ex for anything other than child contact. Both of you set your boundaries out clearly and maintain them strongly. Otherwise you’ll always be bending to what other people want for you.

I don't know what's been discussed between my partner and his nephew as I'm not sure they've spoken properly since everyone had a go at him but I know he said the way he's acting isn't normal and it's none of his business and not his place to tell him how to live his life. I have kept things like this with my ex from the minute I broke up with him and now just find myself in that hole of him keep asking and thinks he has a right to know everything and has said it's only because he doesn't think my partner is safe to be around my kids. I don't see any problem with my partner and he's quite good with his nieces and nephews and always has been but can't help but feel whatever is said my ex and the nephew will just continue to look into all these things until we definitely are not together. We planned on just keeping contact but at my partners house so they don't try to come to my house but now ex is claiming he knows where he lives but partner has only just moved to his flat and last I heard the nephew didn't even know where he lived yet just sick of him trying to ruin my life and I'm never going to be happy

OP posts:
sn21 · 22/07/2022 10:00

To add the reason they know so much about the relationship is because the nephew broke up with his gf (whom I'm quite close with) stole her phone and has been through all our messages and read things I told her in confidence as well

OP posts:
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