Is it me?

[ohisay]

I don't really know where to start, i would be writing all day if I included everything.
I'll just give you today.
Today is my birthday. I'm not a centre of attention kind of person but I was sad to not wake up to a birthday card from my husband or kids - I know that they reminded him multiple times, including yesterday.
This is nothing new, I can't remember the last time he actually bothered until half way through the day, I can definitely say 5 years - last year my eldest was really upset with him because she kept asking him could they get cards leading up and he ignored her.
He slept late today (he had a very late night, that's not a problem) but he'd been up 3 hours working before he messaged me Happy birthday. There were cards from others next to him, he knew!
I came home from being in a and e with my youngest (they're fine) and a card was on the side and a cake too. I sent thanks (he's working and can't answer to talk).
He's come home and started shouting about my lunch saying why have I brought food for myself and not him? I left at 7am for work and brought myself something nice on the way, and haven't eaten it because I was in a and e with our child?! He was sleeping at home then working in another county the rest of the day. Despite explaining to him (maybe he thought I'd brought an evening meal just for me?) I'm still a selfish bitch for only getting my lunch and not his.

There is so much more, isn't there always is I suppose.
Am I really in the wrong here?

Nope you're not in the wrong whatsoever. So what if you bought lunch just for you? Seems like he's in a mood over something else and taking it on you. Also it's your birthday fds! What planet is he on.
Happy birthday! 🎂😊

Happy birthday @ohisay
He's totally taking you for granted. Be honest with yourself, do you generally just allow him to do that? Have you enabled his selfish behaviour? Either way, there's no need for you to put up with it anymore. Tell him to buck his ideas up.

Happy birthday.

Make your present next year being rid of him.

Happy birthday.
No, you're not in the wrong.

Happy Birthday
You need to leave him!

My word he sounds shit and hard work
even the kids are pissed off with him

Happy Birthday and hopefully next year you won’t be enduring this sort of nonsense

Do you have this kind of dynamic with anyone else, or is it just with him?

Answering this question will help you to pinpoint where the poison is.

We can all see that it's him, but it might help you to understand that you're not problematic in any way.

Considering that you might be the problem is what's keeping you in an unhealthy relationship. Imagine treating the person you respect most in the way that he treats you. Could you do it? No. Because he's horrible, and you're not.

Happy birthday. Make this the year you stop spending time with someone who makes you feel like you're a problem.

Thank you for all the replies, I can't quite figure how to reply individually. Thank you for the birthday wishes, you've all genuinely made me smile.
He absolutely has form, don't get me wrong I do react to him in the moment and tell him it's not on and he's being an idiot, but somehow it's always still my fault or he acts like it never happened?
I do feel he has a drink problem - he will drink a minimum of 5 days a week at least 4 cans- but he says it's fine and he does it out of choice. He's horrid as soon as he starts drinking. I've told him it's us or the drinking but he doesn't actually take it seriously? How do I actually make him leave? Two kids (one with a health condition) and a dog. And this is just as much my home - I'm not the one doing things that effect our family and upsets them! He's very much got a public persona, our eldest has called him out on his 'facebook dad' posts and he denies it and says it's her!

As this is typical behaviour you either accept it for what it is assuming he has other good habits.
if this is the norm and you’re often treated this way then you need to have a serious talk to him and really think about whether this is the life you want.
my ex was a narc and he spoilt/ruined every occasion and looking back it was humiliating and horrific- now I’m with a man who isn’t big on birthdays or gifts but is fabulous in so many ways so I know, coming upto my birthday that I need to say I would like this can you buy it or give me the money for it, he just doesn’t ‘do’ birthdays etc

How do I actually make him leave?

Are you married, do you rent or own, lots of questions?

Get good advice. CAB maybe to start. Or Women's Aid if he's abusive. And drink and mean is probably abusive.

Please don't qualify what you say by starting with 'I'm not the centre of attention type person'. Everyone deserves to be treated by their loved ones on their birthday. You deserve wayyyyy better.

Married, own our home (mortgaged). He works full time, I work as full time as it gets for a TA! I do 100% the kid stuff on weekdays, he does sport for one or the other child as needed at the weekend, mostly because I can't be in two places at once. I do 24/7 health care for the youngest too - this would be a huge issue if we separated particularly - he does not wake during the night (can't or won't, who knows, but I'm not willing to risk my child's life to find out).
I need to deal with this once and for all. When he's sober of course!