Do I need to lower my expectations?

[Gio777]

I’m so frustrated, confused and fed up. I have been with my partner for 8 years. I will say that he is a hard worker and does more than his fair share around the house. The problem is that I am getting more and more wound up by his lack of communication and emotion. He can never finish an important conversation, ever. He never talks about anything or makes any plans. I’m not even talking big stuff, I’m talking things to do or things to save for. He can be at work all day, comes home, gets in to bed and falls straight asleep without as much as a word. He can just leave me when I’m upset, promise that he’ll talk about it as soon as he gets home, and never mention it again. Just carries on like it never happened. The worst bit is, he know how much it all upsets me. I’ve tried to talk to him about it every few weeks for years. I’ve handed him all the info on a plate, and it still happens. Last night I poured my heart out to him about it yet again, he said nothing, I fell asleep as he’d been silent for ages. Today - no mention of any of it. I’ve lay in bed feeling so low and he has come in a few times as if nothing has happened, but most of the morning has avoided me. Sometimes he agrees with me but literally does the same behaviours less than hours later. It’s a vicious circle. Am I asking too much from a relationship? How do I get help to move on from expecting different? Or is there possibly something wrong with him/me?

I wouldn’t call him a social butterfly at work, I just mean he’s communicates well with a big team that he manages. He’s always been like this, although I guess it’s become more apparent over time than at the start. He adores our son

Lonely - thank you, you’ve just hit the nail on the head about how I’ve been feeling.

I didn’t always feel lonely in the relationship for those saying I got together with him like this so have no say in the matter. Yes I did, but it wasn’t always as apparent as it is now. He definitely wasn’t as obvious, looking back I can see it

Thanks for helping me find the feeling that I couldn’t put my finger on

I understand you're saying @Gio777
You didn't realise it as much back then,it's more on reflection and it's recently become more obvious to you. This isn't a reflection on you at all as you've done nothing wrong from what I can see. It says more about him than you.
I think right now it may just help you to talk about it so you can gain some clarity. Feel free to PM me if you need an ear.

My ex was like this. This was probably his least worst trait though. He just didnt talk.

Seriously the loneliness was something else. I felt utterly and thoroughly see-through and I'd be envious of other couples who only need to say a word and their partner would hear them and respond accordingly. My ex never even used to walk with me if we were out, he would always pace off miles ahead leaving me behind pushing a buggy with a toddler and a newborn. It was a lovely place to be.

You feel how you feel. You can't make yourself feel differently, so all you can do is make sure you're around people with whom you feel your feelings are heard, accepted, and taken care of.

That's your responsibility. That's how you are supposed to look after you.

Am I asking too much from a relationship

No. But you're staying in a relationship where you don't get what you ask. He doesn't function in the same way as you, and expecting him to do something that doesn't come naturally isn't fair. You've told him how you feel, he's responded in the way he responds. You're essentially banging your head against a wall and then posting to say you've got a headache, and asking for advice on how to make it go away. There's a really obvious answer.

Doing his share isn’t enough to make a relationship?

No, it sounds soul destroying living with that. Does he ever talk at all?