Hi, I posted the other day about seeing my ex at a festival (thanks all for the advice!).
It’s been 1 month today since he broke up with me, and I don’t even feel 1% better. Am I not meant to feel even a tiny bit better by now??🥴
Literally I feel like it’s the first day still. I wake up every single morning feeling sick, heart racing, and checking my phone - being sad about my notifications being empty (even though I’ve not had a good morning text for a whole month now!!).
I’m still not really eating, and I just can’t believe people feel better after a month. I genuinely do not even feel 1% better. It’s not even waves, I’m just constantly sad and missing him. I don’t think he’s left my mind for a second.
I’m really trying hard to fix myself - I’ve got a psychologist twice a week, I’m going to the gym, I’ve booked some holidays. I’ve realised an awful lot about myself and have learnt so many better strategies to help myself. But it just makes me feel worse that I didn’t do it earlier when I was with him.
I pushed him away due to my anxiety and inability to enjoy the moment with him. I was so wrapped up in my own insecurities and unhappiness that in the end I drained him and pushed him away.
I moved into his house 8 days before, as he said he was 100% certain about our future lol. I had to move out and go back to my parents as I had given up my flat. So it came out of nowhere. He always told me he was never going anywhere, that I am the dream girl for him, how he can’t wait for the future, how he was in love with me etc.
We went no contact straight away, but he has not unfollowed me. I bumped into him last week at the festival. He said he was happy to see me smiling again and proud, but it’ll never happen again as he’s not in the headspace and needs to be on his own for now.
But he kept making comments about how good I looked, how he missed some inappropriate things lol and how fit I am. Felt kinda shit seeing as we were so loving and now im just sort of a body to him.
Anyway, I really want to reconcile once I’m healed but I feel like I’m not getting better because I feel like he is the one and it’d work with him. I feel like even if I show him I’ve changed and I know what to work on - I am so so so willing - he is not :(
Where do I go from here as I’m really struggling and it’s been so hard.