Is it normal to get so angry?

[Whyismypastasohot]

My partner and I have both had a difficult day. I hadn't told him about the difficulties in my day because I was interviewing so I was busy. His frustration happened after work where he got stuck in traffic for hours.

The DC stay at my parents house on a Wednesday night and DP was bringing our DS. I knew he'd be stressed when he arrived and I thought he'd be keen to leave soon (I was driving as he'd borrowed my dad's car and was returning it). He also often says he can't relax when the kids are around. Anyway, he arrived and said he just wanted to relax for a bit and have a drink. After a while, I was keen to get home (it's me who drops the DDs at school and I'd been interviewing all day at work), I saw he still had some drink left and I said "I want to go home". He immediately said he would leave his drink and we could go. I said it was fine to finish his drink. He insisted we go anyway. After saying goodbye to the DC, when we got to the car he seemed "off" so I asked him if he was ok. He said he felt I rushed him out. I said I was sorry and I didn't mean to rush him, just I was tired and didn't want to hang around too long. He didn't accept my apology and continued to tell me I'd been inconsiderate. I was driving on a 70mph road and I said I didn't expect to be back that late, and he shouted at me neither did he (I didn't think he did, I was just trying to explain why I didn't want to hang about).

I ended up pulling over on the hard shoulder after he was screaming at me and hitting the glove box.

He came home about 2 hours later and started packing a bag, telling me that all of the problems we've experienced haven't been down to covid, a miscarriage, a premature baby, my admission to a psychiatric hospital...they're because we're a bad couple.

I then spent time trying to convince him to stay, and he has. But am I really in the wrong? Am I the one who should be telling him I'll be better/different?

You should have helped him pack. This relationship is toxic and he needs to go.

No it's not normal, not at all.
How often does this happen?

He sounds horrendous. Please don't waste your life with this man.

Don't ever let a man say he doesn't want you more than once. If he wants to leave hold the door open for him

No it’s not normal. How often does he lose his temper like that? Because I know it’s not the first time he’s had an irrationally disproportionate response to something like ‘a bad day’.

OP it would depend how often he loses his cool. If this is out of character you should keep an eye on it for future patterns but also from what I've read it seems like a trivial issue that was blown out of proportion.

As you have had a bad day, he might have had the same, we sometimes only focus on our situation as be haven't experienced the others day and how it made them feel.

Could it be a trigger from passed events? Is he someone to keep things bottled up? It does happen that we sometimes bottle up, brush off things that get to us only to let something small and unrelated ignite it.

I think you both need to be more considerate of each other and deal with issues at hand and not let it escalate to an explosion.

The fucking idiot could have caused an accident which could have killed you both and innocent people in other vehicles.

How can you even look at him, let alone beg him to stay?

My xh did tons of shit like this. Its called gas lighting. They pick tiny parts of your life or behaviour and blow it into smithereens.

they're because we're a bad couple

Don't ever try to make a good relationship with someone who tells you this. At best, they're wrong, and they're too messed up to see a good relationship when you're offering it to them. At worst, they're right.

Either of those options mean they're right anyway.

Why do you care what's normal? Care about you, and how you feel. He's messed you up with this to the extent that you need opinions from a bunch of strangers on the internet. You know better than we do how he's made you feel. Regardless of whose 'fault' it is, he made you feel like crap, he made you question yourself and doubt yourself.

Don't minimise that. Do you really think that's how a healthy relationship feels?