Advice/opinions

[no1babyno1]

I am often one to moan and get irritated very easily so sometimes I have to rethink myself and wonder should this bother me as much as it is.

Story
Talking to partner. I think we need to spend more time with our daughter (3years old) like dedicated time if that makes any sense. Partner thinks we already spent enough time. I mean is there really such thing as too much time.
(Background) Partner gets up for work at 4.30am and he finished work 12.15 sometimes 13.15.
He then says I'm going to the gym say hour maybe 2 hours. So 15/15.30
I then say should we do stuff no he doesn't want to he's tired.
Well my argument is. Don't go gym if it means not spending time with us.
I'm not saying he doesn't spend time with us but she goes to bed at 18.30 so like go gym after. He says he's too tired and need time to relax because he gets up so early. Should I let him have this as an valid point and I'm just being moany or and I a little bit in the right.
Then he starts saying I'm saying he doesn't play enough and that I'm stopping him with his health and that I'm stopping him doing what he likes to do.
I say I may not work at the minute but I don't get time to myself and to relax. Is that selfish of me to say? As I am lucky enough to stay home with my daughter.

Do you want more time dedicated to your daughter as that's what you start by saying? But then you change it to wanting time to yourself so which is it? The contradiction makes you sound like you're being moany.

Sorry I'm not very good at writing. I mean he's moaning he doesn't get time to him self. Well neither do I. But I'm not moaning and I still want to spend more time with her. Does that make more sense ? X

How much more time do you want with your daughter given you’re home with her?

Do you have time to go to the gym/meet friends for coffee/do what you like? And if not, why not?

What does he do when he comes home between 15.30 and her bed time? If she’s in bed by 18.30 he has all evening to relax, is he in bed at a reasonable time for his early starts?

If you mean you’d like him to pull his weight more and ease your burden a bit, you’re not unreasonable but may need to spell that out rather than dressing it up as him spending more time with his daughter.

She's allowed to want both. Neither of them alone or both of them together make her sound at all moany.

@no1babyno1 no, this isn't right at all. You have good instincts.

When does he spend time with your DD independently and family time with both of you?

You are absolutely right that you deserve time to yourself too. Currently yes you are at home, but you are the primary carer to DD and I assume that you do the majority of what we call wife work. So basically that just means you are at "work" 24/7. When do you get time off? What about him caring about your health or allowing you to do what you would like to do?

Essentially take a bit of time to figure out if he's a big selfish man child who has managed to get you to second guess your very reasonable request that he make a bit of time for your family and that you get a bit of down time too.