22 year age gap. Is this crazy? (somewhat lighthearted)

[dramalessllama]

Hello friends,

I am a 55yo woman, no kids, divorced my emotionally abusive husband after less than a year of marriage (thanks to some tough love from you mumsnetters - I'm forever grateful!) and have no desire to date.

A week after my divorce was finalized, I sold my house, bought a mountain home in another state, and am successfully reinventing myself. One of the first things I did was join a local gym. I love lifting heavy things and putting them down again. And here is where my story begins...

After a few months of daily workouts, the "regulars" typically work out together and become friends. I'm the only female "regular" among a group of 5 younger guys, ranging in age from 21-33. All good. They know how old I am (I don't hide it because I'm proud to be 55 and doing as many pullups as they do), although, they tease me saying I'm lying about my age. I take that as a compliment.

One of the regulars and I talk more than the others, and so we've gotten to know each other better. He's 33. I invited him to join me for lunch to celebrate my new job (I paid since I invited him, if that matters) and we had a lot of fun laughing and joking. And then he kissed me. Which was lovely. It's been several years since I've been kissed properly. :) So I kissed him back, several times.

Since then, we've texted occasionally and see each other at the gym. He walks me to my car when I'm leaving and hugs me goodbye. And just so there's no confusion, all we've done is kissed.

And that's it, basically. I realize it all sounds a bit grade-schoolish, but this is the pace that works best for me at this point in my life. No talk about future plans, intentions, questioning what does this mean...nothing. Which is perfect! My mindset is all about enjoying his company until I don't anymore, and from our past gym conversations, he's of the same mindset. A little about him - never been married, owns his home, has several businesses, no kids (like me, doesn't want any), and thinks I'm beautiful, which is a bonus.

I guess what I'm asking here in a long, convoluted manner, is - am I crazy??? Is this crazy? Have any of you had any similar dating experiences? Please share them with me! (Please refrain from using the word "cougar" too - I despise that word, unless you're referring to the wild cat.)

I see no problem with both of you seeing what happens. Go for it it sounds super fun.

Some younger men come on to more mature ladies because they think they will teach them about sex.
I would suggest being careful. Enjoy the flirting. Only time will tell about his intentions.

Oh I would step back from this!

@B1rd Oooh, good point - I never thought of that...probably because I'm really NOT that experienced. I was a late bloomer. Thank you for pointing that out!

@HollowTalk Are the concerns the same as B1rds?

As long as you don't have a son the same age then go for it .

I think a lot of young men will see it as a bucket list thing, a bit of a challenge but one where they think the woman will be flattered into giving in. It gives him bragging rights. It's never going to be a relationship. Sorry!

@Askingadviceagain That is exactly what my friends (back home) are saying. It really does sound like it could be fun, but it's obviously verrrry early stages. However, I don't want anyone to get hurt, confused, feel led on or used.

Never say never. I know a man in his 70s who's caring for his wife in her 90s, and another man who's in his early 50s married to a woman in her mid-70s. Of course age gaps are usually the other way around but older women/younger man couples do exist and the ones I know are happy.

@hattie43 BAHAHAHA!!!! Nope, no kids. Thanks for the cringey laugh at the thought though.

@HollowTalk Ah, gotcha. Valid point. The thing is I don't want a relationship. But then...(talking mostly to myself here) what's the point of all of this? Just fun? Sounds kind of empty down the road if it continues. At some point if/when we do get together again outside of the gym, a conversation definitely needs to happen. That could be weeks down the line though - I'm very busy with my new job, and this introvert needs her alone time to function. Thanks for your input!

@Catslovepies That's actually very sweet to hear. Thanks for sharing that.

I think I would hate to think that I was the subject of gossip in that group of young guys. Don't shit on your own doorstep - I'm sure there will be plenty of other horny mountain men out there.

@SkeletonFight LOL!!! omg, I never thought about that! I would HOPE that wouldn't happen, but it does sound silly of me to think that it wouldn't.

Yeah, I'm not interested in "horny mountain men" - sex was weaponized in my abusive marriage and as a result, my sex drive has been dormant since. I'm just not ready and fortunately, have no qualms about stating that.

Nothing wrong in principle but if you're picking yourself up after an abusive marriage and the gym is such a big part of your wellbeing I would go carefully. If you just had some fun together that could be great but if he turns out to want different things or is a bit of a tosser then it might make a lovely part of your life quite uncomfortable for you.

Example - Joan Collins and Percy Gibson, I know you are nowhere near her age but she is absolutely stunning - beautiful, funny, smart woman.

He was 36 and she was 68 when they married. Anyway it's all down to how you feel about yourself, how you view your self worth, just being yourself and loving who you are. I'd say go for it, he is obviously very attracted to you and likes you a lot. Just don't overthink it too much and have fun!

But you can't seriously expect us to compare ourselves with a very wealthy, very beautiful movie star!

Excellent point @Annoyedwithmyself! It's pretty much the only gym in town too, so having to find another one would indeed suck.

@Ohnolookwhatthecatsdraggedin - that actually is very encouraging, thank you!

Thank you all for your candid comments and concerns. These are all very helpful! I will keep you updated as to how this progresses...if it does.

The only thing I would say is that good friends, and a fun, healthy pastime are difficult to find, especially when you’ve moved somewhere new. I personally would prioritise that. I’m in my 50s and have discovered the joy of weight training and get how much you love it.

OP maybe you need to let your hair down and have some fun after everything you have been through.

If you both know and understand that no relationship is intended, no one is led on. The thing though is this: we have no control over our feelings!
Feelings develops and that's the tricky part as you nor he would want to be hurt in the long run. Like, would you be ok to find out that he has met a younger woman and wats to give it a try. Or how would he feel if you meet a lovely older gentleman who you could see yourself build a relationship with?

The heart is a tricky lil devil, aside from that I would say have fun!

I'm 51, my bf is 32.
We are happy together the age gap isn't an issue.
He never wants kids or marriage so that's good ha.
Like others said, it might be a fantasy thing on his part (up to you how you feel about that) or he may actually just like you.

I'm 14 years older than my husband. We've been married for 10 years now, 2 kids.

Who knows!

Yet you are happy to kiss this young man so as you said just make it clear that you are not looking for a sexual relationship.

More excellent points, thank you again for sharing your stories, advice and wisdom.