Keen as mustard, then cold as ice!

[BearFacedCheekGrylls]

Why do men do this? Probably women too but I only know about this man.

really super keen after good first date, loads of good chat, saying he wants to meet again and then suddenly goes very quiet. What is that all about?

I know I shouldn’t care as he is clearly not the one for me, but can’t help wondering..,

I’ve got one like this .
I suspect I am low on his priorities . Lovely spending time together when we do .
I accept it because I don’t have much free time so it sort of suits .
But he also occupies disproportionate headspace 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's not 'men', it's that man. Or people.

If it's online dating it usually means he was being polite in saying let's meet again but didn't actually mean it. Or he meant it when he said it but has since reflected on the date and doesn't want to see you again after all. Or he was talking to/meeting other women and one of them took his fancy more.

If its online dating, one date is (in my view) the equivalent to someone catching your eye in the pub and then having a chat with them. You might have a perfectly pleasant evening with them but not every pleasant/entertaining chat with a stranger leads to a relationship. You might even feel at the time that they were such a great person and you'd love to do it again but then, in the cold light of day, have a change of heart.

Yes, it would be polite to say you're no longer interested in meeting again but, quite often, if someone else has caught a person's eye, the first person is quickly forgotten about completely. People just don't think about it and it's implied by the lack of contact.

That's really sad.

Why would you spend any time with someone for whom you're a low priority? Especially if they're occupying head space? Doesn't sound like it's a great experience for you, tbh.

I'm sure it's the quick buzz people like. That first excitement that keeps going and then fades. The honeymoon period? That now with internet dating, rather than lasting 6 months seems to only last a few dates

We’ve both got a lot of priorities and commitments that come first - children , ageing parents , heavy work load .
I don’t really see it could be any different tbh .
So it’s not so much sad . The only issue is the headspace really - I’m sure he doesn’t think about it as much as I do ! I always feel respected and we enjoy each other’s company - known each other for a very long time .

That usually happens when they have another person or people who become higher priority for them for whatever reason.

They either just got in contact with them or the other person just got back in contact with them.

Or they're cheating and had an attack of conscience, or just an attack of fear of getting caught.

Haven't you ever got really interested in something for a bit and then forgotten all about it?

This isn't a 'man' thing or a 'woman' thing. It's a human thing.

But it's not being polite, is it? It's being a bare faced liar.

Probably because men have to show a bit more effort / enthusiasm in the initial chasing! It’s often quite superficial interest - they’re just “finding out” more, but also in the meantime might get lucky too! Which is why women should pace themselves and not get carried away with any initial male interest or enthusiasm!!!. See how things go over a 6 month period and if you can stop yourself jumping into bed with them (hard I know) best to wait and see whether that interest is genuine.

Ex back on the scene

Well, yes, but only in the same way people say "thank you, that was delicious" to their hosts for a meal they didn't enjoy are also bare faced liars.

It's considered polite by some.

It's all about mind games and testing the water to see if you're up for sex. Then they move onto the next woman. Men say they can't work women out! Ironic.

I wouldn't say that, I'd say thank you and leave it at that! Somebody might have cooked me a meal, so they deserve thanks, but not a pack of lies that it was truly scrumptious. It's like the old "does my bum look big in this?". I don't say things like that and because of it I've been asked "are you on the spectrum?" I do have ADHD but I try to say what I mean and mean what I say always. Makes for less ambiguity. This is probably why I was always confused in my younger days when guys would say things and not mean them. Why bother?

This is often as good an explanation as any. Men are expected to show interest, and that approach tends to work, so it becomes the default for many, whether they're actually interested or not.

You wouldn't. And tbh I wouldn't either. But lots of people do.

The OP asked why he might have behaved as he did and I offered it as a possible explanation. That is all.

I didn't say it was a kind, good, right or proper way for someone to behave. Just that lots of people do.