Male friend

[Scorpio8]

I am still very confused about this male friend we did have a talk and cleared the air.
I have a partner and he is married. My guy knows about him.
But I am not sure if his wife knows about me.
After that talk I left him be as I felt quite silly for thinking he was still after me when he probably just thought of me as a friend. The reason being was stuff he said to me and he use to come to work. He did admit he does flirt that's it. I never had a male friend like him he knows me so well. He actually payed attention to every detail about me.

Anyway I just rambled on let me to get the point.

He messaged me one day asked how I was and if I was enjoying the weekend so said yes.
Then yesterday I actually was just checking friends and family and to see how they were coping with the heat. I messaged him and he said he was at a family event. His wife and son was there too obviously and see the photos.
I still wonder if his wife knows about me.
He doesn't seem to say too much about her but asks me a lot about my guy.
I always ask how is family he said fine and I say the same thing.
We talk more about his little boy.

I am not sure how male friends work. Not sure even if I saw him he introduce me to her. Although one time he saw me with guy made a comment and said you could of said hi he not the jealous type. My guy don't care about other guy knowing me he got female friends.

I suppose when we reconnected again after not talking for years. I started depending on him a bit to much. Other than that felt better after that.

Experiences of male friends. Are they only a male friend or did something happen once upon a time. Has the friendship felt awkward if you in relationships. Am I overthinking?

He's not a friend, he's testing the water. Trust your instincts.

I have male friends, one of them I had a brief relationship with for a couple of months, one's an ex and the rest are simply friends. Of those I simply met and became friends with there's never been anything like this. Nor with the others either come to think!

@FetchezLaVache

This what I been thinking too. He really has backed of now. As I decided let me give this a chance in let me get to know him properly. He said we are friends I didn't see him as a friend. Because he really annoyed me in the past lying about his situation which I suppose I need to let go of. Think if I wasn't with my guy he would of made more of a move on me. On the site we communicate on he watches everything. He use to comment on photos but now he stopped. He use do a lot more. Like I said I got quite close to him communicating on this site and think once he knew I was closer to him he backed off. Not going to lie with issues I had with my partner I was questioning my feelings but each time I see him it's like no he just a friend. I think it's maybe me overthinking because maybe he realized he rather keep me as a friend than lose me altogether. I know he thinks a lot of me and cares.

Thanks for your comment.

I have/had 3 close male friend.
Only 1 I've had a 'thing' with years and years ago, but we are only friends via messaging nowadays I highly doubt we will meet up anytime soon unless we bumped into each other or something.
The other one, there was a drunken kiss years ago and he made it clear he would like to be more than friends, but I didn't, we didn't see each other for a long time as he couldn't promise he only wanted friendship, then he got a new gf and I rarely hear from him now aside from the odd happy birthday etc.
3rd friend has only ever been friends but he said if I ever wanted to pursue a relationship he'd be up for it, but our boundaries are and he is a great friend who I see regularly but his gf doesn't know I exist as she doesnt trust him at all and it would be more hassle than it's worth for her to know he has a female friend he sees and speaks to regularly. (I know I'm taking his word for it and for all I know he could be a secret cheat and her paranoia is valid but we have been friends for a long time and I do believe him)
I dont think friend number 1 or 2's partners know/knew the extent of our friendship either.

So yeah far more complicated than female friendships in my opinion! I am always honest and my partner knows of my male friends and he mostly isn't happy about it but I have nothing to hide.

It is hard to judge things, in my experience the blokes would only be too happy to accept if I made a move but you do just have to make the boundary clear and I know I would never cross it.

Sorry long rambling post not sure if any help!

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron

Can I ask do you know your male friends girlfriends or wife? Even children?

If he only sees me as a friend then it's cool.

We never crossed that line but something did happen he lied to me about his situation so stopped talking to him. Tbh I was never into him at all.
I never spoke to him for ages then out of the blue he messaged was I at this event. I did meet him but something didn't feel right and like I said wasn't into him. So went home. It happened again but was dating my partner whom I am with now. He said he only messaged as we are friends.
Then when lockdown started he was messaging me again and this when I thought you know what let me just talk to him I was in better head space. I don't think I am ever going to get rid of him. Maybe he is only trying to be a friend. I added him on a site we communicated through there only. He then use to watch my status and inbox comments. Some comments I did find inappropriate because he kept talking and me and my guy. Then I know I thought he alright and we go closer then he came to my work with his son. Then again and after that it seemed he always use to walk past to see if I was there. I stupidly told him where I worked but never use to say the days I was working. But on weekend he message through that site asking how I was what am I doing. I would say I am away and he let me know I came to check on you at work but you wasn't there. It got predictable each weekend.
I do feel I made a mistake telling him issues with my partner. But then that made me think he wants us to break up. I can't explain it. So many different things seemed like he was jealous of us.
That's why I needed to have that talk but came away feeling stupid. I still feel something not right. I say hi now and again but it's not like before which I am glad of. I am not into games either.

Maybe I just not use to make friendships. I don't know.

male friendships

What are you getting from the friendship, OP?

It seems very complex.

Do you want to be more than friends?

@Criiinge

Some of your experiences sounds like mine with him. I made a lot of mistakes in reply trying to explain to explain to someone here. A lot of words I missed out.

Years ago we met on a site. I basically was dating other guys. I wasn't really interested in him at all. I was not right in the head. Anyway the time I got back into contact on that site he said he was getting married. We never met in person until was standing at bus and thought oh my it him from that site. He was chatting to me and when I said didn't you get married he made out he was having issues. He lied I think saying they separated and I wasn't good myself. He came to where I was living we had a drink, danced, kissed and he tried it on said no. Because I kept pressing him on his situation and then he confessed he was with her. I was mad he was in my flat thought how am I going to get him out lucky he got a call had to go. That was silly of me and haven't got that out my head.
Then I must of stopped talking to him for a long time. Then he contacted me and I was like I am never going to get rid of this guy. I mentioned it he turned up at an event twice. First time I met him and second said no because I was dating my guy now. Before lockdown just thought let me talk to him and he was the one whom said we are friends. We did get closer thought he alright. But just seems awkward.
I think I had started to depend on him. Then I decided to back off since that chat. Because I got him wrong.
Did I get him wrong and he just sees me as a friend?
If he says hi I will reply etc. But not telling him anything no more.
Like I said don't think his wife knows about me. I had to look at his Facebook to see who she is.

@EinsteinaGogo

Now I got closer to him think when I was having issues with current partner was having confused feeling. I don't feel that way now I know he doesn't see me as anything other than a friend. I became emotional attached maybe for me a bit.
I don't deep down fancy him or feel that way. Just still weary of him if he lied o how he feels.
If he genuinely sees me as a friend's it's fine. I know since the talk he doesn't joke with me or flirt maybe he realized he gave me wrong idea..
He does still check on me and I do the same because he does really.
For me I never had jus had a male friend who did what he did. Pays attention to everything about me. He remembers everything.

Not all my male friends have wives or girlfriends but of those that have, yes I do know them. There isn't any problem.

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron
It's probably just me overthinking too much. I need to let go of what happens in the past.

Thanks for your advice.

OP, you're not overthinking. Guy friends always do that same stuff to me and my friends. trust your gut.

Do your friends usually cause you this much angst?

Stay well away from him. He's not your friend.