Partners Ex

[Twosword]

Hi all,

First time posting and seeking advice!

My partner of 4 years and in the final throws of divorce has an extremely difficult relationship with his controlling ex, they share two children.

Its almost like he left her yesterday. She belittles him in front of the children and at school events in front of other parents, calling his useless, a b"atard etc. She is constantly turning up at the children's activities (cricket and ballet) on the days he has them, even though they have a court order in place. We have been living with this for such a long time and can't ever see it changing.

Anyway, my partner is due to have the kids this weekend and there are several local events taking place as part of the kids school, the kids are really excited about going, but the ex has messaged to say she will be attending both days, my partner cannot face going and has therefore pulled out of any activity he was participating in as a Dad as he doesn't want the children upset again. The children are of course very upset and now he looks like the bad guy. Its so unfair. Is he right to not go? or should he just go and put up with the abuse that will occur evitably in front of the kids? The children of course must come first, but its heartbreaking seeing him so deflated. He will plan something fun for them to do to distract them. She just cannot control herself.

Unless the court order states she is not to attend any events while its his contact days there is little you can do. She is well within her rights to watch things to do with her children at their school as hard as it might be to comprehend. That's like her saying their dad can't attend because it's her time with the children it's ridiculous.

If you feel like it's harassment then send a cease and desist letter through solicitors or take her back to court. But she has every right to attend these things unless court orders otherwise.

He's letting the bitch win by doing that though. Just ignore her. Anyone who hears her will think she is pathetic. She's making herself look so bad, no one else.

She belittles him in front of the children and at school events in front of other parents, calling his useless, a b"atard etc.

Well if she is swearing and being verbally abusive on school grounds then the school have the power to ban her (or at least give her warning then ban her if she doesn’t behave). Luckily your DP has independent witnesses so proving it shouldn’t be a problem.

Agree she is well within her rights, hence he is not going as she cannot contain herself making it a miserable time for all. There is something written in the court order about her having to control her emotions. My partner can't attend sports day etc as the scene is so severe, so he just sucks it up. She organised the extra curricular activities on his time so she has regular interface with him, she uses the children. He has to stay away on her time unfortunately, she made that very clear.

Agree, there has been some funny looks from parents, she is embarrassing. He is such a fantastic father and not once let them down.

We have lots of videos, all evidenced in court.

Can't he just stay a distance away from her?

If she is directly confronting him infront of people then he has witnesses and should send an email asking her to stop. Then follow up with warning of police involvement.

He could also speak to the school. Are the children young? What is happening with the divorce? Generally I think divorce signals the end of the relationship and it's only then that people more on...often because the finances do tie a couple together. He still has a wife until divorced From your description it would seem the finances are acrimonious - is the family house already sold or is that still an issue.

Surely she's in breach of the court order with all the routine humiliation? Why isn't it being addressed with the court that she undermines contact constantly?

Right so has he spoken to the school about it then? What have they said?

Like I said, if it happens on school grounds they have the power to ban her so problem solved. You have independent witnesses (probably multiple people since the scene at sports day was “severe”) & video evidence to back you up.

Agreed with others, use the video evidence and get her banned. Keep videoing her everytime she does it, don't be stopped by her.

I think I would try and go back to the solicitor and find out where you stand. Or go for full custody due to the affect her behaviour is having on the children. I would definitely bring it up with the school and show them the court order.