It's now out of control

[cleanbreak2022]

Hi everyone,

I've made a number of posts about my separation at Christmas and for the most part me and the children are doing very well. The heart ache has gone and we have almost built our new normal.

My ex however, has completely spiralled out of control and I don't know what my options are so I'm looking for advice until I speak to my family lawyer (she was my mediator but he hasn't engaged with her so now employing her for this).

My ex left me for another woman. I have noticed evidence of physical abuse on him. I don't see her so I'm not sure what state she can get in, but the relationship is clearly violent and hostile.

In March he appeared with a black eye and stitches, I have learned that she beat him with a mobile phone. 2 weeks ago, there was an incident at their home, a knife was pulled and she has lacerations. She has claimed from him. He claims she did it herself. He has stitches in his scalp where she glassed him and lacerations to his neck and head where she again beat him with a mobile phone. Police are involved and he's on bail, but not adhering to bail conditions.

I've reported incidents I have had with him since the separation and will report the final incident last night.

In our time together, he was never violent, but I don't know this new version of him. We had a happy and stable home. I am not used to dealing with the police or other agencies. Quiet life, go to work, be a mum. That's me.

I have now stopped all access to the children. I cannot be sure my kids will not be involved in a volatile argument whilst in their company. I certainly don't want them witnessing the level of violence they seem to enjoy.

Without a conviction, what do I do? She is apparently not pressing charges, he has told the police to believe her version of events. If that's the case I am to believe he has 'stabbed' her with a knife.

If he's not charged, I can't stop access without the court order, the reason for my court order is because of this incident. If everything is dropped can I still proceed even though in the eyes of the law, there's no crime?

I'm worried sick

He sounds like the victim, and to make it worse, she's trying to frame him for the knife incident. Police aren't taking a proper interest because he's a man, that's why he's on bail pending charges, whilst presumably she isn't facing anything for all the times she's assaulted him?

You're right to stop the kids having unsupervised contact with him. It doesn't need to criminal burden of proof for family court, just civil - on balance of probabilities. Do you have any evidence of his injuries (photos etc)? I would self refer to social services (or ask the children's school to refer), to get them involved and onside (yours) asap. They should back you up through court proceedings.

@altmember ‘s advice is spot on I think.
Do you have any photos of his injuries, stitches? I suppose this where Ring doorbells help.
Sounds an awful situation and I’d involve 3verytningvand everyone who can back you in protecting your children.

Thank you, yes I do have images from ring door bell with the black eye and stitches.

Thanks for your advice