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Original poster

Done with online dating

31 replies

stillvicarinatutu · 19/07/2022 20:33

I've been attempting on and off to date using bumble / tinder for 2.5 years .
In that time I connected with 2 men , for short relationships . Other than them - no one got a second date .
I've been groped, a guy left a disgusting Google review for the date venue because I said no to a second date , and finally - finally - a guy I matched with decided that what I needed to see every morning and every night was him getting his kecks off /on and watching his cock jiggle around .
He I might add was 55.

I am now 50 and I really thought there may be a calibre of men online looking to date , with nice old fashioned values and morals and not just wanting to shove their dick in my face morning and night .
Apparently not .

So singledom. Here I come and here I stay .
My neighbour did a ouija board and told me she got a message - my name *- stop dating - bad people everywhere. Haha. Even the bloody dead have given up on me 😂. (Although apparently I'm gonna meet someone over drinks which is highly unlikely but they did say he was in my profession just a different dept if you believe in that sorta thing 🤷🏻‍♀️).
Not sure myself but was terribly specific . Can't see how tho I never go out - occasionally with neighbour, stopped doing work nights out years ago .

So it's a date for one binge watching lucifer and a bottle of Pinot! With my dogs .

I give up . Finally . Concede defeat .

OP posts:
Cass654 · 19/07/2022 20:37

Have you considered dating women? Generally I did prefer men but hands down women are better in bed and won't shuv a dick in your face. Something for you to consider 😂

Original poster
stillvicarinatutu · 19/07/2022 20:48

I actually matched with a couple of women on bumble because I didn't set my preference but - I'm just not gay or bi 🤷🏻‍♀️
My neighbour is bi and gorgeous but I don't feel attracted to women generally- and we're great friends now and I'd want it to stay that way .
I don't think I lean that way tbh . I find certain women very attractive but can't say I've ever fancied a woman - saying that there's very few men I've fancied 😂 but there have been a few .

OP posts:
RSitf · 19/07/2022 20:52

It’s really crap isn’t it. I’ve had most of mine with mental health issues..I despair. I guess it depends how much you want to/can take!

Cass654 · 19/07/2022 20:57

I'm the same in the sense I'm really picky with men and I just had enough of them in the end. Crap in bed and inconsiderate. I've found I'm less picky with women and the emotional connections are a lot better which in turn makes the sex better but I know it's not for everyone.

jojogoesbust · 20/07/2022 11:04

I think i may have chatted to that 55 year old! He started off so decent and respectful, when i asked if we could facetime, he was starkers and lowered the camera to his c**k!!
Lord jesus. I have given up too!!

RSitf · 20/07/2022 11:06

@jojogoesbust Christ..is this what I’ve got to look forward to!!!

GreenManalishi · 20/07/2022 11:10

RSitf · 20/07/2022 11:06

@jojogoesbust Christ..is this what I’ve got to look forward to!!!

Not necessarily, I'm a similar age to op and was fully sworn off men for life... until DP turned up out of the blue, they are out there but it definitely takes some careful sifting 🤣

jojogoesbust · 20/07/2022 11:11

RSitf · 20/07/2022 11:06

@jojogoesbust Christ..is this what I’ve got to look forward to!!!

I came off as i had a worrying encounter recently. Met a guy who told me he was spanish, we talked for a while, then arranged to meet at a cafe. We met, he looked nothing like his pics, he was infact indian (no issue there for me) but was so heavily accented, and even when i said you sound very indian, he got very aggresive. Asked to go for a walk in the local park (9.30pm), i refused and he got angry again. I went inside the cafe and asked them to help. They asked him to leave or they would call the police. Luckily, he left, but so scary

savethatkitty · 20/07/2022 11:16

Here is aunty's tip - date men half your age. They are fun, teachable, have less hang ups/baggage, they like a woman who is in charge. That's you, OP. Take control. Be the boss.

ChagSameachDoreen · 20/07/2022 11:22

savethatkitty · 20/07/2022 11:16

Here is aunty's tip - date men half your age. They are fun, teachable, have less hang ups/baggage, they like a woman who is in charge. That's you, OP. Take control. Be the boss.

Trouble is, the younger the guy the more porn-addled and social media-riddled he is.

Flatbellyfella · 20/07/2022 12:03

Hi stillvicarinatutu,
Good to see you are still around, hope you are well.
As I have never been on any dating sites i can not imagine the awful responses i read on here, it appears to be very difficult to find an honest man to get friendly with, let alone be a lover. As a single man of 13 years , I dated 4 ladies at different times , (met through work, NHS) three of them I found out cheated on me , two via dating sites one had a young female lover, who she now lives with ,so it also works the other way as well. So nine years on I am resigned to a solo existence.

TorviShieldMaiden · 20/07/2022 12:05

I had some awful experiences, but I did also meet DP on Tinder. And he's lovely- been together 18 months now.

My issue with dating younger men was that I definitely don't want anymore children. I'm 40. If I date even 5 years younger, then the likelihood is they do and might get complicated.

RSitf · 20/07/2022 12:10

@savethatkitty my last partner was younger than me, I thought what you’ve written would be correct..he seemed great.
Then showed the other side of him..
controlling, patronising like he was older than me..a bit flakey re kids..Im not saying it goes for all of course but it has put me off a bit!

sleepymum50 · 20/07/2022 13:53

Men, they are not sending their best.

I am going through a divorce, and have never done OLD, but I am definitely going to give up on men. I am going to try and avoid all middle aged men as much as I can.

I can only think of a few things you might need a man for.

Sex - I’m past it but there are all sorts of toys you can get.
Love & Companionship- Get a dog. If that is not enough for you, get another dog.
Friendship - Foster the good friendships you have now, and make more as you find them.
Movingheavy things - ahh there I’m stumped. I have a son-in-law. But bear in mind as males age they get bad back etc. so perhaps you only need a sack truck!

Original poster
stillvicarinatutu · 20/07/2022 22:04

Well . The last one I was chatting to bit the dust today .
He was 37. I'm 50 .
He can't drive . I do t live anywhere accessible by public transport so the expectation would be - I do the donkey work .

Fuck that .
Soooooo sick and tired now.

OP posts:
RSitf · 20/07/2022 22:40

@stillvicarinatutu my ex didn’t drive after getting rid of his car and then getting comfortable with me doing the running around. After a few weeks I nicely mentioned how it was tiring/expensive and I got absolutely blazed down for it!
i won’t be dating anyone who doesn’t drive sadly!

Holly763 · 20/07/2022 22:47

I'm the same- potential partners need to drive or it's a no from me. Don't care what they drive either as long as the car works.

Original poster
stillvicarinatutu · 20/07/2022 22:48

I'm a bit suss of any 37 year old who never bothered to learn.

He hasn't t even tried .

OP posts:
datingdilema · 20/07/2022 22:53

OP - I'm your age and in the same situation. Every time I like someone after the first date it goes wrong.

I'm chatting to someone now and he seems nice. If there's no spark if/when we meet I just might give up on online dating.

I've dated slightly younger guys but they don't seem to want commitment.

Most people have had a few long term relationships by my age. I'm still out there looking and I'm beginning to think I am either too fussy (had no spark dates with men who seem nice) or I'm not supposed to meet anyone.

Holly763 · 20/07/2022 23:01

I find guys who are too nice annoy the hell out of me (but there's not many of them about anyway let's face it) and I seem to be attracted to dick heads but only sexually. I know logically a relationship wouldn't work with them so I'm screwed🤣. I need a balance, charismatic, funny, cheeky but with a soft centre and I think what I want doesn't exist tbh.

Missisipihallelujah · 21/07/2022 00:17

I am 51 and find the guys in my age group just generally unappealing. I think you get more fussy as you get older and why shouldn't you? My experience of OLD is that some blokes just want to drag women down.That and the mind games. No thanks. Oh and some of the headlines they type in their profiles, are pure cringe. One bloke wrote "Lets see how it goes".😄

Original poster
stillvicarinatutu · 21/07/2022 00:25

I see mostly men looking down at the camera looking like some kind of serial killer with 4 chins and no smile .

Of those who do loon remotely appealing- they just want sex . Dick pics , topless pics laid in bed , and they usually have very inflated ideas of how they look .

One of my profile pics is a low cut dress showing a bit of red bra , but it's demure , showing my face , long hair curled - I constantly get told I don't look my age which is fine , but why do men think showing me their dick , scrawny bodies / fat rolls , is gonna make me swoon ? Are they all clueless ? I'm so tired of it !

OP posts:
Missisipihallelujah · 21/07/2022 00:38

stillvicarinatutu · 21/07/2022 00:25

I see mostly men looking down at the camera looking like some kind of serial killer with 4 chins and no smile .

Of those who do loon remotely appealing- they just want sex . Dick pics , topless pics laid in bed , and they usually have very inflated ideas of how they look .

One of my profile pics is a low cut dress showing a bit of red bra , but it's demure , showing my face , long hair curled - I constantly get told I don't look my age which is fine , but why do men think showing me their dick , scrawny bodies / fat rolls , is gonna make me swoon ? Are they all clueless ? I'm so tired of it !

4 chins lol. The passport photos as well, where they are looking serious. Sometimes you just think, how have you had the nerve to send me a message! That's not being stuck up, that's being at the age where you know you deserve so much better.

TwoMonthsOff · 21/07/2022 00:41

@jojogoesbust
that is absolutely disgusting, I don’t get why he thought that would be acceptable, it’s abusive really, sorry you had to endure that

Missisipihallelujah · 21/07/2022 00:41

I also honestly wonder how you are meant to find somebody off line though. Supermarket, swimming, pub? The guys that are interested in you are the ones you don't fancy. I had an 80 year old chatting me up recently. That one did make me lose hope. Far better being on our own x