Husband commenting on videos of women

[Wonderwoman01]

Hi, so me and my husband have been together for 9 years we have 3 children together. He is an amazing father, he works hard and provides for us. But he isn’t without his faults he’s been on dating sites in the past and I’ve caught him this happened a few times and he said he’s never acted upon on it.
I’ve recently found out he’s been on TikTok commenting on woman’s videos with flirty comments, some of them asking where there from, stuff like “is that outfit for our date” “I would” meaning he would have sex with them, another comment was “maybe I should start working away 2 days a week” “is the itch getting scratched”
”is their room in there for a little one … is that an invite?”
”can I be your crush?”

im so heart broken and when I’ve found the messages he can’t seem to understand why am so heart broken, he keeps telling me he didn’t think he was doing anything wrong and it was just banter but I feel like he was using the site as a dating site trying to get woman’s attention.

ive asked him if he wants to be with me and he said he does and he loves me but why does he keep hurting me ?
I honestly wonder why he’s acting the way he is when I’ve given him no just cause. When
I tell him how much I love him.

I just don’t know how I supposed to move forward when I already felt broken.

If this were my husband his things would be in bin bags at the kerb. Your husband knows exactly how wrong his behaviour is, he just doesn't give a shit. I would be willing to be there's loads more about his behaviour and treatment of you that you're not sharing. He's a scumbag. Always has been, always will be.

Ugh he’s a sleazebag OP. How would he react if you went on TikTok and commented in the same way to men?

please give it a go and see how he likes it?

Utterly creepy. Imagine being those women he says that shit to..?
There is no reason in the world why anyone should tolerate this level of disgusting disrespect

I'd ask he to leave, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw a piano.
If he hasn't cheated already he will.
Move on or you will have this all your life. X

He knows it's wrong and he knows he is hurting you but just doesn't care.

You should have dumped the cheating sleeze when you found him on dating sites.

I'm so sorry, he's showing no respect for you or your relationship.

he can’t seem to understand why am so heart broken, he keeps telling me he didn’t think he was doing anything wrong and it was just banter

And he's gaslighting you.

Since he shows no sincere remorse he will interpret you continuing the relationship as accepting his behaviour, and he'll see you as deserving it, since you have tolerated it. Based on how he has repeatedly acted and defended his actions he's definitely going to do it again, or worse.

If you need to take time to organise yourself, get some work, support and a good plan before you leave, do what you need to do. You deserve at the least basic respect and care for your feelings.

Im utterly repulsed by this kind of behaviour. I've seen it myself, husbands who think it appropriate to send private DMs with heart emojis if a woman posts a selfie.

A line out of the TV show Ozark about catching someone in a betrayal 'its not the first time they did it, its just the first time you found out'.

Exactly this.

Couldn't care less if he cheated or not, because a total pig. Makes uncomfortable comments on women's tiktoks. Cringe. What a creep.

Run.

@Wonderwoman01 I’m so sorry, this is terrible behaviour and you don’t deserve it. I’m sure you want to believe there’s some way this is okay and not what it seems for the sake of your children, but unfortunately, “amazing dads” don’t treat actual amazing mothers this way. It’s tempting to believe people when they say or imply that you’re over reacting, because then you just have to deal with the awful feelings rather than the awful feelings AND what you need to do next to get him out of your life.
The problem is a man like this is a liability, he will eventually “go big” on the infidelity, humiliation, and destruction to your family. He won’t change I’m afraid, I say that based on how he treats you but also his approach to these other women, and if you want to eventually have a civil relationship for the sake of coparenting, it might be in everyone’s best interest to consciously uncouple now. I know this is painful, but it will be nothing compared to what is coming down the line if you stay in this relationship and hope everything will be okay.
There’s no rush to make any sudden decisions, just think it through, plan, save get legal advice if you can. The more calm consideration you give this the better. Unfortunately, I’m sure this man “loves you” in his way, so he will say that and perhaps even really mean it but he’s not capable of truly caring enough not to hurt you and disrespect you.
Think it through- what would be your dream ideal outcome here? How likely do you think that is? What would be the second best outcome?

Are you financially reliant on him op, is that why you’re taking it?

"Does he want to be with me?"

Who bloody cares! Do you want to be with HIM? He isn't the good loving father and husband you want to think he is.

His behaviour is disgusting, and shows absolutely zero respect or love for you.

I know it's hard when you've built a life together. But that life isn't built on love, trust and respect.

You deserve so much better

he can’t seem to understand why am so heart broken, he keeps telling me he didn’t think he was doing anything wrong and it was just banter

Would he understand if you do it to/with other men though.

Are you allowed to be on dating sites too?

🤔

Dating sites are full of married men like this. Looking to have their ego (and their dick) stroked.

It makes it very difficult for women on these sites looking for a geniune, single man, as evidenced on these boards.

Gah! 'genuine'

Oh this (he) is just so gross & disrespectful- this would 100% be a deal breaker for me. Sleazy & rancid!

Why are you accepting this? You should leave him pronto. Not only is it hugely disrespectful to you but also to these girls/women (who I would bet my life are younger than he is) but it’s also indicative of a certain type of man. In my experience the type of creepy guy who posts things like ‘is that for our date’ is not a nice normal man who goes weird on social media. It’s the same creepy weirdo who leers at you on the train, catcalls you from a van, makes sexist comments etc etc. It’s linked to a basic and deeply rooted hatred of and disrespect of women.