How do I leave my husband?

[helpmeout234]

Is there ever a “good” time to separate from your husband. My son is taking his GCSE’s next year and I’m worried about the impact it might have on him. There’s so many issues involved and I don’t know where to start. Any other farmers wives out there that have done this? Thanks x

I don't think there's ever an easy time. It will have an impact on your son whenever you choose to do it. Can you face another year of this? That's what you have to ask yourself.

Depends on how bad the marriage is. I was in a similar situation, husband had been unfaithful. I waited until DS had finished school and started his apprenticeship. He had his own life so it was much easier. I don't regret those extra couple of years. Good luck.

It just depends on how things are and how they might change. I wasn't planning on doing it when I did, but something happened which was an absolute deal breaker so I did. Mine are very little (4&6). It's never easy, but I guess it's more about whether home life is ok/safe/not having a negative impact anyway? It's a massive thing to have on your mind though. Good luck for whatever you decide x

Are you financially secure, OP? I waited until I went back into full time work before I initiated the split. It is very very hard.

Thanks everyone. It's been a rough few years. He was controlling for years then things got to a head and I tried to leave. He got some counselling and we both did as a couple and things have got a bit better. I just don't fancy him anymore and he's constantly defensive and aggressive in all his responses to the smallest thing. I feel that all he really wants is sex (which I don't want and haven't been giving him recently). If I gave him sex then he would be happy and we could carry on for another year. It's whether I can force myself to do that😫.
I recently got myself a job that fits in with the school day and I'm trying to save a little nest egg to leave but he wants me to use some of that to pay for day to day stuff, even though I'm still doing all the housework etc. i don't know x

@helpmeout234 I can relate to this because I don't want to have sex with my DP anymore either. I just can't bring myself to do it and I'm finding myself making excuses like I'm too hot or I'm due on so not in the mood. I actually shudder at the thought. Not a healthy environment to be in really. Not sure I have any helpful advice sorry, just thought it might help knowing you're not alone.

Don’t waste your life, squirrel some money away and do it.

And I’m no longer having sex with my DH either. I don’t fancy him or it, and he doesn’t ask for it, so win win.

That is a win win! He asks for it all the time. I've told him I don't want to, he just can't help himself🙄😡. And tonight apparently, I should be showing him more respect🙈🤣

So what are your plans ? If it’s a farm I assume you’ll have to move out, will your DS come with you ?

How about he shows you some respect and backs off. No means no.

You can't stay in the marriage youve described for a year.

Please don't kid yourself that you DS doesn't know something is wrong/that it will be better for him if you stay

I have 3 kids and I know they know. All of them would want to stay on the farm, that's half my problem

I just came into the kitchen and there was a pile of water on the floor by the sink and I asked what the heck happened here… then he went off. "I emptied the dishwasher for you, god everything I do you find fault with"…. I then said, "you emptied the dishwasher for us! Not me! Us! It’s our house and our dishwasher. It’s not full of my things!" Then he said "well I haven’t seen you on the farm harvesting at 3am in the morning". Does he have a point?

Only you will know if you've been harvesting on the farm at 3am.

@helpmeout234 that just sounds like a normal couple bickering amd like he's trying to score points being petty. Sounds normal to me anyway.

Do you have separate bank accounts? I'd agree timing will be tricky with upcoming exams. The fact the kids won't want to leave the farm is even more tricky. Do you absolutely have to leave the farm? Is it jointly owned?